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This is the second time I attempted to post this, smh. Anywh

This is the second time I attempted to post this, smh. Anywho, I am a 37 yr old female who has been married, to a male, for 12 yrs. I love him so much & he takes care of me. I have been attracted to both males/females as long as I can remember. I've had many relationships w/ men but have yet to lay w/ a woman. I also live w/ Bipolar 1. When the manic episodes (like the episode I am in now) & hypersexuality hit, it becomes almost impossible to fight the urges to cheat w/ a woman. I even fantasize about them when my hubs & I are having sex. Even when I'm stable, it's about all I can think about. I still find males attractive but am more inclined towards women right now. A divorce would devastate me, probably spinning me into a depressive episode. He'd be homeless as I make the majority of the household income. I have 4 kids (oldest is 22. Youngest is 15) whom I fear would be pissed @ me or hate me if we split. I'm also afraid of the grass is greener on the other side thing. I love my husband but I'm not all that attracted to him anymore. I made the decision to stay w/ him for family stability. But stuffing this back inside is killing me. I do have one friend that I can confide in which is nice. But I'm not quite out of the closet yet. My side of the family wouldn't believe me & my in laws would hate me. I can't win. I feel like this is crushing me.... Feel free to respond but I'm really just here to vent. Thanks.

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Jul 11

Why do you want to tell the kids if you still uncertain what to do. You should figure out what you want. If you know what you want and is comfortable with your decision, then act on it. Seems like your H would not let your explore. If i were in your shoes, I would keep it from the kids till you very certain about yourself, what your want. Why dragging them into something..say for example you do stay in your marriage, what point would you achieved for telling them? With this i do not say you should divorce. Did you guys went for therapy? Maybe you should consider it just to get some clarity before making any decisions. I cannot say what you should do or not, only you can decide what is the best for you.

Sweetbutter92's picture
Jul 11

I've already decided I would not act on it & stay w/ my hubs. I just wanted to be open & honest w/ my kids. I can't expect them to do the same if I'm not doing it. Anywho, we were in therapy @ one point but the MH Dept w/ Kaiser moved & he refuses to drive further to go. So I've been discussing it w/ my own therapist. I can't have everything I want. I want to stay in my marriage but I also want to leave & explore this thing. So what I want only matters so much. I decided to deny that part of myself & do what's best by my husband & kids. It kinda sucks & doesn't suck @ the same time. Sides, if we went to therapy & I was transparent about how I've been feeling, he would leave me. I love him & he's been my caretaker since my mental health went to ****. So I must sacrifice for my family. I can't pretend to be happy about it but I can do it none the less.

jrmack's picture
Jul 12

@Sweetbutter80 Not an easy situation, they typically never are. But have to agree with Private in that telling kids and/or extended family about your alternative sexuality is a big step with potential to alter the family dynamics in a massive way. As such it should only be done after one has clarity what they want to do with their particular situation, and hopefully both partners are actively engaged in the process. My wife knows about my bisexuality, and at one point I thought about coming out as well to my adult daughter simply to be honest and bare my soul. Maybe I will do that at some point. However, my wife actually advised against it and I have to admit a few years down the line she was right.


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