Second blog of 2019 IS OUT!!!!! "Facing reality after the holiday season"
Make sure to click READ MORE to see the full article. -SG or click BLOG on GREEN menu bar

Our 19 year old son just told us he is bisexual, and spent t

Our 19 year old son just told us he is bisexual, and spent the last 5 days with his male friend while we were away for a week. Our daughter (20y) was home, and noticed a few things between them, so I suspect this is part of why he decided to tell us. His Mom and I are both supportive and understanding, but worry about how this is another obstacle for him to overcome (how others see him, not how he is) for a kid who is quite naive, shy, and has never had many friends except his gaming buddies. We worry that things are moving too fast - he works full time, but his friend is in high school (1 year younger), and they are in constant contact online. His tried to arrange another visit at our house, and his friend's mom forbid it - she also just found out about her own son being gay/bi. We are planning to talk to the other Mom, as we have never met, but our son is already very anxious/upset about the possibility of the Mom getting in the way. We want them both to slow down and not rush things. Our son has never had a boy/girl friend, so knows nothing of relationships.

I spoke with our daughter about it, and she is fine, and feels they are lucky that we are understanding parents. I told her how I was bi-curious when I was 17 for about 1-2 years, but also liked girls. I never got involved with a boy; there was just a close younger friend who I was attracted to. When he changed schools, we drifted apart and I eventually found a girl friend, and the feelings never returned. I am planning to talk to our son about this, but I want to be careful to not make him think I am trying to minimize his feelings about being bisexual. I just want him to understand that curiosity at his age is quite common and natural, but that we want him to take his time, for moving too fast may just end up getting him hurt if the other boy pulls away, or if the parents get in the way.

Interested in hearing thoughts from others, as although both of us have had gay friends over the years, none have been close to us, and most we haven't seen in years. Our niece (20yo) announced she was gay a few years ago, and then later became transgender, and she is now legally male and taking T. Even so, I suspect there are several in our families who will not be as accepting as we are.

show more ⇓
View 1 More Comment
Jan 13, 2018

I would suggest staying focused on your son and how to help him navigate a new relationship and to respect the mother's feelings, as his relationship is with a high schooler, and still largely under his mother's guidance and rules. For your family, you saound very loving and understanding. Your sharing your past and feelings will help him know you respect his feelings--not necessarily that you're asking him to "change." Here is an article you may want to read that has helped many. Sending love to you all. Your son is lucky to be so loved.

Jan 15, 2018

@SusanSimpfenderfer Thanks for the link, I will have a look. The other boy was over for the past two days - they mostly just play video games all day. We explained the ground rules about doors staying open, no groping, fondling, and clothes stay on. They had dinner with us last night, and we managed to get a few words out of the other boy, although he was on his phone for every moment when not actually sitting at the table. It's actually amazing these kids even want to have a real relationship these days, the way they are glued to devices 24/7...
Then last night I walked in to find them playing video games leaning against each other on the sofa, both with shirts off. It was after 10pm, and I said it was time for the other boy to go home (he has a car; things would be easier if he didn't...). After he left, Mom spoke to our son about the shirts, and we made it clear this was not ok. He talked back (I was in the other room) but eventually agreed to abide by the rules. However, he has a pretty bad track record for abiding by any rules. He needs to understand that if he pushes things, the other family will likely put a stop to things.
I am still wondering if this is just a curiosity phase that will pass - both boys have said they are interested in girls, but they are both very shy. I can relate to this, having been in a similar situation at his age. I have not yet had a chance to tell him my story, as there is little time when his head is not consumed by technology.

show more ⇓

I'm so sorry that I didn't see your response until now. It truly sounds like you're setting good boundaries with love and should continue to do so. That age easily abiding by rules? It's a rare teen or young adult that does so, right? Yes, technology is a barrier to and sometimes a promoter of communication. I have one daughter with whom the best and calmest communication is through texting at times. I hope you took a look at the link. I've found great comfort in their resources. Again, send love and prayers to you all.


Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account