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Hello, I’m new to this site, please be patient with my

[170]

Hello,

I’m new to this site, please be patient with my posts. I’m having difficulties with my sexuality. I am in my 30s and just completely overwhelmed with my future in the relationship department. I am questioning who i am in regards of sexual orientation. I have never been in a long term relationship, I’ve dated women, never men but I’ve had intercourse with more men than women. I find it unpleasant after being with someone of my own sex. I want to have a family, have kids and all of that but I’m held back by acting on these impulses. I don’t know if I’m gay, straight or bi and it’s consuming my every living moment. I was abused as a child by another male a few years older than me, he was a teenager and i often blame that on my arousal for men. My father was absent in my childhood and i also use that as an explanation of these impulses sometimes. I feel completely abnormal, unloved and unable to love. I often think of just telling my family I’m bi but i hold back because i myself am not even sure and i would hate to set those wheels in motion without even being sure myself. I sometimes think I’m worthless and this is just the way for natural selection to take its course and take me out of the reproduction chain. Any help or advise, someone to talk to would be extremely appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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[42305]
Mar 17

@JAB-13 :) Absolutely!

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[1060]
Mar 17

@Pollyanna_Hearth .. well that's the difference between a gay man and a bi man.. and it's a big difference.. most, and I'm not saying all, bi men were molested as a child and they are just trying to relive the traumatic experience again.. we know it's wrong what happened to us but when we get older we find the memories erotic and exciting all the way until orgasm, then we feel bad and dirty all over again..
so for a bi man, it's all about the sex act.. it has nothing to do with looks... I myself prefer older white men, bald with glasses... I also like watching my girlfriend having sex with another man.. when we go out, I encourage her to flirt with other men.. I think that comes from my first wife.. I caught her in bed with another man.. it completely crushed me to the point my heart actually hurt and I thought I was going to die... I was in my mid 20's and I can still see her and him in my mind... I remember everything about that incident..

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[42305]
Mar 17

@Pollyanna_Hearth I had no idea it was a thing either until I started to suffer from it lol I've liked guys my entire life, I've been with the same man for fourteen years, and I've never had the desire to be with a girl in any capacity...but then there is a little niggling doubt that makes me question whether I'm sure about that.. You know, like maybe there is some small part of me that does want to be with a girl and I just haven't realized it yet at 33 years of age.... It's just ridiculous! But we all have our issues!

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