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I'm not feeling too good. I've been thinking about just kill

[20]

I'm not feeling too good. I've been thinking about just killing myself for several weeks. Maybe months. Ever since my last series of psychotic episodes. I've told my family, they just said I can't do that. The doctors continued with my same meds and recommend I call the crisis line if I feel like I'm going to do it. I just want the racing thoughts to stop. I keep replaying different points in history in my memory and reliving it. I keep trying to mentally stop time. I want to go back and change things. I haven't seen my daughter in person in over a year because I can't get my act together enough to be in her life. In my last series of psychotic episodes I lost my girlfriend, my job and alienated myself from all of my friends by posting way too much on social media. Saying stuff like "yeshua yes you are" and claiming to be a Navy seal. I look back at that and just think " what a f***ing idiot" I hate myself and this disease but mostly myself. I feel like I can't talk to people. I feel like all my social skills are gone and I'm just a piece of sh*t. I've had a gun under my pillow with one bullet in the chamber for a couple weeks. Every morning I wake up and think I should just kill myself so I don't have to deal with this another day. But I can't work up the courage. I keep thinking about how my daughter will feel and that stops me. I don't know what to do. I can't keep this up for much longer.

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[1410]
Aug 26

Thanks for being honest. You can get through this! Help is available and so are people who care! Here is the number for the National Suicide Prevention 800-273-8255. Call the number and get professional help. We all have issues that benefit from profession counselors.

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[5125]
Aug 27

Let me tell you something, your action will reverberate forever. You don't kill a good horse because the saddle is bad then put the saddle on another good horse. You leave your house now get someone to clear it of firearms for safe keeping then start a new life. Everyday you can start again till it starts right. My daughter's boyfriend killed himself in front of her 15 years ago. We have had a sick daughter ever since. so STOP!!!! Sure she got married had a child but grandma and grandpa is taking care of her child. Because of that life is different for the other 6 grand kids and on and on and on, How about it. PLEASE CALL FOR HELP AND HELP YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU TRU!!

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[5125]
Aug 27

CALM Tru, you are a smart person. calm calm calm why don't get that calm feeling going for you know, just throw everything else out of your mind. Sit and cool, you know you have things that need to be done. You need to catch up with rest and start arrangements to see your daughter, come on now, you can always come here and catch us up on progress or lack of. A very supportive atmosphere here. You have this going for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Really share the details. Know how important you are for your daughter ,,,, and even for us here,,,, please,,,, please,,,,, You have sensibilities and intelligence relie on that and rest up be calm

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