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The past few weeks have been terrible. All day long all I th

The past few weeks have been terrible. All day long all I think about is food. I m either trying to avoid it so hard that it hurts, or giving up and binging until i can’t feel anything anymore. Either way everything I do is painful, food has complete control of my day and my mood depends on how much I eat. I can’t really concentrate on anything else, I hate my body, i just wanna get out of it and the more I think about it, the more i feel bad and the only thing that calms me down is eating again and again. How do i break this circle and avoid going completely crazy?

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[40]
Apr 30

Hi, thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me, it made me feel better.
So, I’ve been struggling with binge eating for ten years more or less.. I’ve be seeing a lot of dietitians and therapists since I was young, on and off, without getting better. I ve been seeing a psychiatrist as well, now with the lockdown I m not seeing her, but it has never really been that helpful, it kind of made me feel better talking to her but it has never helped get out of it.
After I wrote this post I’ve been good for a few days, but today I don’t know why I woke up in a really bad mood and I’ve tried not to binge all day but in the end I did and now I feel so ashamed and bad and I feel like I have no willpower. Also I really struggle talking about it with my family and friends, I wish I knew someone who feels the same way because I’m afraid this is just me and I’m crazy. The thing I want the most in my life is to never binge again, and still I can’t help it, sometimes it’s like a tsunami and I have to do it

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[32450]
Apr 30

@Veil882, Thanks for replying. I'm so sorry your good days were followed by a really difficult day, and that you ended up bingeing again; and then you also ended up feeling bad about yourself again.

I wanted to comment on a few of the things you wrote. You mentioned that the psychiatrist doesn't stop your bingeing, but that you do feel a little better for a little while every time you talk to her. I think that alone is a significant benefit, even though she hasn't been able to help you stop bingeing. When a person is under so much stress, even a little support and empathy can go a long way. So I wonder if you could start seeing her again. I know that during the pandemic, people are discouraged from going to their doctor's office; however, many doctors are now seeing their patients virtually. (I talk to my therapist by phone during this pandemic, and it works out very well). So I was wondering if there is any way you can contact her, and ask her if she is doing phone or zoom sessions. It sounds like talking to her gives you a little more breathing space and a little less self-hate.

Also, you said that sometimes it feels like it's "just me" and that you are crazy. By "just me," did you mean that sometimes you feel like you're the only one on earth who binges? If so, I can understand your feeling that way, because it's something that most people hide, because it's not socially acceptable and they feel ashamed. So I just googled "How many Americans do binge eating?" (I am assuming you are an American from your spelling, grammar, etc.). The answer is approximately 2,800,000. That is, about 3.5% of all American women. And about 8% of American adults have experienced it at some point in their life! So no, you are not the only one. If you are in a room with 100 people, the chances are that 8 people have (or have had) this disorder.

You also mentioned that after the last binge, you felt ashamed and bad, and that you have no willpower. I can understand that, since you were not able to curb your eating, and you overate a lot. However, are you familiar with the brain chemistry of addictions? (I am counting bingeing as an addictive behavior). Scientists now see that addictive behavior causes changes in the brain. So it's not a matter of will power, it's a physical disease, like diabetes or polio. So it's not a moral failing. I recommend you google "addiction brain change". There are some very interesting youtubes and articles there, that will help you understand that this is not about will power. The videos will not produce a cure for your bingeing, but at least they will make you stop feeling bad about yourself for bingeing.

Finally, I'm sorry the therapy hasn't helped with the bingeing. I'm curious if your therapists are trained in eating disorders? It's a new field, so maybe they are not up on the latest. All for now.

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[80]
May 22

BE is very often about protecting one's self from difficult feelings or memories. Your very resourceful subconscious is helping you in the only way it knows how. Doing your best to love yourself - to treat yourself, including your body, with kindness, is incredibly important. Very glad to hear you have a psychiatrist. One thing to consider - a binge isn't the end of the world, but wanting to binge can be a signal that you have a different emotion that wants your attention. If you can figure out how to dialogue with yourself to discover what these feelings are, and discover new ways to meet your emotional needs (safety, love, acceptance, purpose, connectedness, etc), food becomes less important. <3 Glad you posted.

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