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I have struggled with an eating disorder for so long now it

I have struggled with an eating disorder for so long now it has taken so much of me and my life. I look back at my worst time with bulimia and I can't even bring myself to remember the what a dark and scary time this was but I think in some ways that is what keeps my binge eating going, I feel so traumatized from the things I have done to myself but just can't get past it. I have been through therapy and counselling but it doesn't seem to help. My binge eating is just getting worse and worse and it causes my IBS to flare up so bad. I just want to be able to take care of myself and look after myself and not have to keep going through this cycle.

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[2170]
Feb 12

@Mollyyy123 Agreed, Mollyyy! I went to lots of useless therapy and counselling. The only way I could stop binge eating was to join Overeaters Anonymous and slowly learn how to feel feelings. And that was no picnic. There is a difference between people who overeat and people who have an addiction. I have an addiction. I'm finally ready to admit it. The path to recovery is hard and painful. It doesn't come overnight. This remark triggers me because I know that many people don't believe in food addiction. And there are still many people who don't believe in alcoholism. Yes, even in our so-called "enlightened" culture! My suggestion to you, CKBlossom, is that if you don't have an addiction to food, either divorce yourself from this discussion because you're not interested or get interested and learn about addiction. And not just food addiction but all the other addictions that people are dying from on a daily basis. But don't try to speak to something you don't understand. And btw, bulimia is considered a mental illness. And people DIE from it, too.
Just out of curiousity, what's your story? Are you a binge eater? A binge eater in recovery? Because I don't hear much empathy from you so it's got me wondering. This site is a place for people to freely talk about their struggles without fear of judgement. I post with that in mind. I assume people who struggle with this terrible addiction can relate. Pleaseee, fill me in. Why are you here?

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Eleni007's picture
[2085]
Feb 12

@ckblossom has a point. In order to heal we should first decide for it ourselves. Without our own will active , no healing can be done , just because we think we have to. Sometimes our mind thinks we should do something but our spirit is not yet ready for the change itself.
@heartbeat it is a hard mission indeed to tame bulimia and binge eating. But you knew that already right? Keep up the good work every single day, try a bit more every day and eventually it does get better. Chin up!

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[2170]
Feb 13

@Eleni007 You make a good point, Eleni007. I must want to get better and be willing to do the work before counseling and therapy can help. However, I think everyone's readiness is an different process. I spent many years crying and feeling hopeless about my binge eating, which is considered a mental illness; actually, its correct name is binge eating disorder. Bulimia is a severe eating disorder and mental illness. Counseling never helped me with my eating disorder, just like it rarely helps alcoholics. I have gone to a kazillion open AA meetings and have heard over and over again that the only thing that helped them was AA- when they were ready. And that readiness is different for every alcoholic who walks through the doors of AA. Some recovering alcoholics were ready right away. Others spent decades trying to prove they could drink normally like everyone else. Admitting they were alcoholics was abhorant to them even though they had lost everything to alcohol. Their saving grace was working with a Sponsor, someone who had achieved sobriety and was available to them 24/7. When they were about to go on a drinking spree they became willing to call their Sponsor and tell them what they were "sore" about. They felt heard because this person was an alcoholic in recovery and "got" them. My point- and I do have one- is that counselling alone never helped me stop bingeing. I have sat in the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous and listened to countless bulimics talk about their recovery. Was Overeaters Anonymous their first choice or something they entered into with joy and anticipation? Hell, no. Did they get abstinent right away? Again, hell, no. Most of the time they came to Overeaters Anonymous because they had tried everything to stop purging and failed. Overeaters Anonymous was the only thing left that they hadn't tried. OK, so I'll quit taking about 12-step programs. I would never say it's the only thing that works for bulimia because first off, I'm not a bulimic so I can't speak to it. And second, I don't know enough about the other ways to treat bulimia. As I said before, everyone gets ready for help in their own time. But judging someone in the throws of this illness is not helpful and I think it's very, very hurtful. I think a more useful comment might be, You're feeling helpless, hopeless. I'm just wondering what you think might be helpful. I'll close by saying 12-step programs are not for everyone. I'm biased because it's the only thing that has given me almost 3 1/2 years of abstinence. Nothing else worked, so yes, I'm biased. But at the end of the day you get to decide. No one else can make that decision for you.

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