I feel so pathetic. Everyday, after I wake up, the same thou

Lavie's picture
[185]

I feel so pathetic. Everyday, after I wake up, the same thought comes into my mind: "You'll do your best tomorrow" and right after I said that to myself, I notice all the things that I swallowed. And you know what? The next day, the same vicious circle takes me into this nightmare again. I'm hyperphagic -well that's how we said in France- but in fact (if I well-understand) I got binge eating disorder. Before that, I was anorexic. I was a bit scared because I started to lose my hair, so I "quickly" try to gain weight. I was pretty proud because even if it was hard, I tried my best. However, I knew that I was not cure... In fact, even when I was diagnosed as an anorexic, I remembered I also did some overeating crisis, but I directly started to abstain from eating. And now, while I'm writing this, I gain a lot of weights. Now it's been 4 years. I'm tired. You know, I start to understand that it wasn't a matter of weight: it's only me. Wether I'm skinny or a bit chubby, I never really enjoyed myself. I feel like I'm a weight for everyone (family, friends).
But I won't give up.
It's been now 4 years, and I won't be manipulated with an other one. I need help. We all need some help. I'm just a teenager searching for answers and supports ( and of course some advices)
Thanks to you to accord some of your time to reading my call for help.
(by the way, sorry if I made mistakes but I am French. As always, I'm searching excuses)

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[155]
Apr 20

Completely get it! Everyday, waking up and saying "today's the day" or "you can make it" and then its 11am and I've eaten my breakfast along with 2 donuts that my coworkers have brought in. I feel like, when is it enough?

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Lavie's picture
[185]
Apr 21

@Petey One day, all these kind of bad thoughts that we rewind all day in our head will be erased. You shouldn't be rude with yourself. It's okay to have these "crisis" as I called usually. You need to accept you did it. It past. Now, we need to take a deep breath and say out loud: "I worth it. I can go through it.". Not in your head: in front of a mirror, face to face with your reflection. Try it, it really helps to be in front of your feelings, emotions and minkind. You have the right to be weak sometimes. We are only human after all. I wish you luck, because it is hard to get through: but one day you'll be so proud of yourself. You will be stronger. And opening your heart by being on this website is already a wonderful way to become stronger. I support you from the bottom of my heart. You can do it!

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[155]
Apr 21

Thank you @Lavie you are totally right. I just need to try my best to say that I can't change the past and each minute, each meal is a fresh start. :)

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