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I am so angry, sad, introverted and resentful. I am sufferi

I am so angry, sad, introverted and resentful. I am suffering from rejection and it's not normal how I am handling it. It shows me something is seriously off about me, because normal people wouldn't behave this way.
I am in shut down mode. I go to work like nothing is wrong at all, no one would guess, all the while I am waiting to get home to hurt myself - to binge eat when I'm not hungry. I don't let myself move. I treat myself badly and don't take care of myself on purpose. It's HOR-ible. But I kind of love it. I kind of love that I'm making bad choices. It's a relief, an outlet, my own little secret. I can finally express how I feel.
On the outside, I'm as buttoned up and calm and functional as I can be, but behind closed doors I'm wallowing in depression and obsessive thoughts. Eating too much, treating myself like **** makes me feel validated. I cannot stand this rejection and believe it's all my fault. I'm punishing myself. Maybe if I punish myself enough, my mind will process everything and I'll understand why I just can't seem to be normal and have a relationship.

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NevaMae99's picture
[2780]
Oct 12

Honestly, I came here to help. I've had a lot of tough experiences and I have learned a lot and healed a lot. There are so many people out there that don't have anyone to support them. And it's often hard for them to see past the circumstances they are in. My desire is to just be there to support people who are hurting and offer any words of wisdom that I have learned over the years from someone who has been there and made it through.

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[5920]
Oct 12

@NevaMae99 That is such a blessing! Thank you for being here.

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[2055]
Oct 15

I am so sorry that yo are going through this. I am here if you would like to talk or would like some encouraging resources. I am praying for you. Big hugs!!

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