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Are people active on this forum?? I've been a compulsive ov

Are people active on this forum??
I've been a compulsive over eater almost my entire life. I remember as a kid getting completely and emotionally lost with food - both with other people and by myself. Food has always been so comforting, calming, interesting and enjoyable to me. It's always there for me and never lets me down. It helps me sort out my thoughts, numbs me out, calms me down.
I'm now 32 years old. I remember binge eating 10 years ago and telling myself I'd stop. I remember binge eating last night and telling myself "this is the last time".
I remember missing countless social engagements, dates, events, opportunities because I just chose to stay at home and eat instead. It's horrible. How many things have I ruined for myself because I can't stop sneaking away to be at home and eat?
It's an absolute miracle I'm not overweight. It's like, I refuse to go there again, but I also refuse to stop over-eating. I stack the deck so I'm able to hide it. Like - I know how far I can push it, then stop, then restrict, exercise. Do that for awhile, then let myself go, feel disgusted and hold it back again. Sometimes I'll binge on healthy foods, so it feels like I'm indulging, without the calories. Then, I'll feel like being really "bad" and just binge on whatever unhealthy food my heart desires. It feels like I'm getting away with someone, it's thrilling, exciting, fun, calming and feels good.. but I hate myself. How many more years will I waste doing this? I'm still missing out on life. All my weekends spent alone eating or not eating. I will fantasize about leaving an event, leaving work, leaving a social engagement because when I'm done, I can go be by myself and eat.
That's the truth. Is anyone out there?? Anyone like me?

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[175]
Oct 13

Hiya
I did good today
Went to Sizzlers and refrained from binging.
Not sure why.
I was tempted and thought about get up for more and more but didn’t. I picked up my phone and read the messages and somehow helped.
I will go to sleep tonight without abdominal pain bloating and hoping I could fit into work clothes comfortably
What a great way to start a work week

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[5910]
Oct 14

@CanadaSpain That's great!

I also refrained from over-doing it with eating yesterday. I think these messages are helping. I'm doing better about being mindful and saying, "do I really want to eat that? Will I really feel good about it later?" If I do poorly 2 weeks and calm down for two days, I'll take those two days. IT's not exactly where I want to be, but it's something.

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[175]
Oct 14

I agree.. taking a moment to think about it helps.
I take it one day at a time.

Not sure if you experience this but I developed an abdominal hernia above my belly button. I discovered it after eating a mound of food at an Indian buffet
I bloated so much so and having the repeat cycle- well i did some damage. I have have have to think before binge.

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