Losing my mind. Chronic back pain for 15 yrs and it gets re

MissNiki's picture

Losing my mind. Chronic back pain for 15 yrs and it gets really really bad some days (weeks/months) and this week I’ve been dangerously depressed and feeling really sorry for myself. I have several ministry related responsibilities that are getting harder to keep up with and it makes my mood even worse. Thought a lot about killing myself this week. Haven’t tried but I made sure I have the right medications in my house to do it. I hate feeling this defeated but the pain is eating away at what little resolve and fight I had left.

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Feb 13

@MissNiki and @Mandydj76 please know that you are worth living. Take time to focus on why that is. . . and write it somewhere to be reviewed when you are struggling with your suffering. So sorry for failed programs.
Take time to search for another opinion, there is so much improvement with procedures, keep looking and talking to others. Connect to discover the avenue necessary to meet your needs. I know that it is cumbersome to search, make an appointment, transfer records, wait, and travel, however finding a procedure that will bring your pain and suffering to a minimum is worth it. Achieving quality of life is worth living. I am sorry for your suffering MissNiki and Mandydy76, but I pray that you will search and find the journey to healing. Please know that I am always available and willing to connect with you.

MarWin's picture
Feb 14

@Dickson SPAM

Feb 14

@MissNiki I so get it and when my pain felt non-stop, I actually did consider suicide. Two days in a row. After 2 weeks of getting up and down relief, I seriously wondered why I'd been born. I am very careful not to give advice re suicide because the last thing I wanted when I was there, was someone reminding me about all the good things in my life. All I wanted was to vent and Yes, Say... that If this my life, if it's going to be non-stop pain, then I don't want to be here. I said that to a nurse on the Nurseline. She was gentle with me when she said, You've been up a lot of blind alleys, tried things that didn't help,etc etc and waiting for appointments and professionals who haven't helped is, of course, extremely frustrating. What about a pain management team? Then she found one and gave me their website and a telephone number. I felt much better after that. I am battling too many things I think. Mental illness, addicton, chronic pain from scoliosis, grief from my failed marriage and now fear from financial insecurity (At this point I can't work). NO ONE told me to think of my kids re suicide, I DID. I love them so much. I have two boys in their twenties. They're beautiful. THAT'S what kept me from doing anything. And Yeah, I don't see them much because one recently moved and the other is involved with school and work and presently in Vietnam visiting his girlfriend. You mentioned sobriety so I'm curious because some of my pain meds require food intake and as a compulsive overeater with almost 3 1/2 years of abstinence, that an be challenging and trigger me to eat more than I need. So a flip remark like, Think of all the people you'd be hurting, can sometimes make me long to tell someone to effing die. Ask me how you can help, what I think I need; those are supportive responses. Maybe I can contribute to this world by reminding even chronic pain sufferers to be careful how they respond to someone who is feeling suicidal. Being judgmental and laying a guilt trip is not helpful. If that's what you're about to do, STOP yourself. Instead ask pertinent questions that show you care.

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