I'm an 18-year old girl, and I feel like I have high-functio

I'm an 18-year old girl, and I feel like I have high-functioning Asperger Syndrome, but I can't be sure. I've read a lot about it online and I identify with (almost) all of the traits I find, 100%. My problem is that I can't understand how my parents and teachers never noticed anything in my childhood. This makes me doubt if I have Aspergers, and it make me think that maybe I'm just overreacting? Maybe I'm being whiny and maybe I'm looking for attention? But at the same time I don't want a lot of attention, in fact I would prefer to be left alone. I also tell myself that I only self-diagnose myself because I want something to happen in my life, considering my life is pretty boring and straight forward. I do the same things over and over again, and nothing ever changes (not that I mind though). Some days I tell myself all these things and try to convince myself that I am healthy, but the next day I may be obsessed with having the syndrome because it would explain everything and I could feel like I had a reason for acting the way I do, socially and with my limited and repetetive interests. What do you think? I would be grateful to hear an opinion on my situation.

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PattyG's picture
[1015]
Feb 24

Good morning to you both. Yes, I have routines. Especially starting my day. If I can't go through the first 2-3 hours of my day in my normal routine, I feel out of whack the rest of the day. One of my biggest problems are interruptions. If I know that tomorrow you are going to need me to take you to school I'm fine with it, but if you ask me to take you to school right now with no warning, on the inside I'm fuming with anger. Especially if it interrupts my morning routine.

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PattyG's picture
[1015]
Feb 24

@Error101 I feel like I live in this very restictive box that prevents me from doing things I want to do. Example: at the doctors office I was so hot I was sweating, but due to my discomfort in a strange place I literally was unable to raise my arms up to pull my sweater off. I feel varying degrees of frozen depending on the level of my discomfort. I was talking to the autism doctor about this last Wednesday and he was saying it will take a lot of work and a lot of time but I could learn to leave my box to do things that make me happy. I told him I am actually content doing my own thing, staying home, being on the computer, being a loner and the minute he asked me if I wanted to be content or did I want to be happy, I realized I'm never going to be happy. All the things that make me happy are not here. I was happiest when I lived in the west. It seems like every breathe I was taking in the beauty I seen everywhere I looked. No people to bother me, just me and this beautiful creation. Sure I had neighbors and all, but they didn't know me and I didn't have to socialize with them. The feeling I had (or have) when I'm out there, whether it's Montana, Wyoming, Utah, or Alaska, is all good. I used to write poems about being in love with a place - the west. I don't have anything close to this feeling with people. But I love my kids and grandkids and I need to be close to them and I will remain in the east so I can be close to them, even though there is nothing in this part of the country that gives me joy and happiness. So I'll never be truly happy. I need my kids. My youngest son was kidnapped from me by his father, not because he wanted our son, but because he didn't want me to have him. I had custody and he had nothing, but he moved back to where his mom was and got one of her judge friends to fix false documents saying the he had custody, which he brought out to Arkansas where I was living at the time, had me arrested for abduction and he took off with my son. I got out of it, but it took me 5 years to get my son back into my life. I have post traumatic stress disorder from that and because of it, even the slightest thought of moving away from my kids throws me back into that loss and I can't handle it. I could leave my parents and siblings with no problem, but I could never leave my kids. So I'm here. I raised all my 4 kids myself - can't seem to remain in a marriage. I did what I had to do to support them and take care of them. I got through nursing school and 20 years of being an R.N. and hated every single day, but did it for them. Life has a way of taking you where you need to be whether it's what you want and planned or not. And I also, am not at all happy with the way people in this world treat others.

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[220]
4 hours ago

@PattyG Wow, I get disguted at my poor ability to get into routines. Not saying I have a bigger problem, it's just ironic.

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