Only just joined but thought I'd dive right in. For reaso

[290]

Only just joined but thought I'd dive right in.

For reasons I can explain later if needed I grew up in a family where I was taught from a very young age to keep emotions bottled up. I learned that if I loved something I'd lose it so if I ever felt 'vulnerable' getting close to somebody I'd always hold back. I've had 3 long term live in relationships so it hasn't stopped me being with somebody but I've never fully committed either.

I've been receiving Reiki which has helped open me up and it's been overwhelming ever since. I have a bunch of emotions hitting me intensely which I'm not equipped to deal with. My natural instinct throughout life is to suppress emotions like these but I'm fighting this instinct in order to go with the emotions.

All this is causing my body so much anxiety I often feel physically sick. I heard some sad stories on the radio this morning and felt such a wave of empathy/sadness that it has left my whole day feeling very low.

By keeping things bottled up I haven't cried since before 10 years of age (I'm now 50) and sometimes I feel I could burst into tears but they won't come (as a boy I was instructed not to cry).

Guessing I'm reaching out to someone to maybe listen when I need an ear. I feel like I'm moaning or putting it on a close friend when I keep bringing up my sadness or just feeling scared.

Thanks for reading

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norseduncan's picture
[129935]
Mar 21, 2017

@AnnonEmous that makes sense. I have never been a big suppressor of emotion, but was very guilty of attaching to them and carrying them around with me. what I try to do now is just put them down. its ok to be sad, but that does not mean you have to carry that sadness around and always feel sad, if that makes sense. its ok to be mad, but not ok to carry mad around with you and keep feeding it. its ok to be happy, but expecting to always be so is rather silly. feel things as you feel them but keep focus on the moment in front of you is what I mean.

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[290]
Mar 23, 2017

Thank you all for your comments. They do help me try and get an understanding of things.

I've sort of realised that my overwhelming feeling of sorrow/sadness are most likely all the emotions that I've bottled up releasing themselves from within.

It's now at a stage where people at work are always asking if I'm ok or that I don't seem my usual self. I know I'm not that fun to be around right now which means I spend the majority of my time alone or with my dogs.

I know this is something only I can solve but I desperately crave comfort from another soul

How does the support function of this site work? Apart from needing some myself I can be very good at helping others. In a weird way I feel better with myself when helping others

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norseduncan's picture
[129935]
Mar 23, 2017

@AnnonEmous the support button allows you to privately message the person you support, so long as they also support you. moderators like myself are an exception, as anyone can message us and vice versa at any time

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