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In April 2018, I blacked out in my yard. My heart rate was

[20]

In April 2018, I blacked out in my yard. My heart rate was in the high 30's to low 40's. I was admitted to the hospital and kept on "emergency surgery" watch because of a heart block caused by new medication (different story). After the surgery I felt awful. My head hurt; I couldn't think straight; when I returned to work it was a nightmare trying to remember my job; and I was extremely irritable and sometimes rude. My surgeon told me to call the anesthesiologist because my symptoms had nothing to do with the pacemaker. She told me my body was twitching so much that she had to put me under a very deep anesthesia which can lead to anxiety, forgetfulness and even a touch of dementia. What??? Are you kidding me? She said it takes up to a year for the symptoms to leave and sometimes they don't all go away. It has been 18 months and while I am better; I am also Horrible! It is difficult to be around anyone, even those I love the most. I want to crawl in a hole and just be alone. I have never dealt with panic attacks in my entire life but if I’ve learned a thing or two it’s that you never know when it’s going strike; you can’t guess how long it will last; and you can’t just turn it off! I try to keep a diary and look back at when an episode starts and how I feel afterwards which isn’t easy because sometimes it takes hours for me to realize I’m in the middle of one. Here is what I get from my notes: 1) feeling of being overwhelmed to the degree that nobody can even talk to me or I’ll lash out at them 2) I am frustrated, mad, out of control, and don’t always remember it 3) once I start calming down I feel exhausted 4) then the headache comes on – sometimes it’s a doozy and sometimes it’s mild. All of that is the attack whether it lasts one day or two. Then, the day after I calm down 5) may still have a headache 6) my head feels too heavy to hold up 6) I can’t think straight 7) impossible to do my job as I get everything mixed up and confused. I’m sorry this was so long but I truly needed to throw this all out there. Is what I described considered a form of anxiety? Does anyone else get these feeling I described?? I used to be active and fun loving and always on the go laughing and having a good time. I want my joy back!

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www.hope's picture
[1690]
Dec 2

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have panic attacks, too. I try to ground myself when they are happening ie. reminding myself of where I am physically and stuff. You will find joy again! It may look different than before, but it will get better.

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www.hope's picture
[1690]
Dec 2

Have you talked to anyone in the "brain injury" group? It may not be a perfect fit, but it sounds like you are suffering from physical symptoms, not only anxiety.

Reply
[20]
Dec 3

That is a great idea. That's what I need; advice on what else to do and who to talk you. Thank you very much...

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