I went through a lot yesterday. I had really bed anxiety and

lifeishardbutiamforcedtosmile's picture

I went through a lot yesterday. I had really bed anxiety and started to cry because I have so much school work to do. I went to my room to calm myself down. My mom came in and start yelling at me saying that I never change. I was so confused. Here I am trying to calm myself down and she comes along to judge me for crying. It made it even worst. I tried to explain but she cut me off and start to assume. I dried myself to sleep that night and have a bunch of nightmares. Tell me why do I have to be here? Why did I chose a mother to adopted me because I wanted to be with my younger sister? Now my sister is gone because they put her in a place for her anger issues. She said that she is never coming back. I have no one now. What do I do? My mom will not let me talk to any of my friend and she is taking away all of my outlets. Am I allowed to leave? Every time I tell her I do not want to be here she puts me in my room. Sooner or later I am going to kill myself. There is no place to go. All hope is lost for me. I feel like there is no purpose for me. Sometimes I wander if there will ever be a way out of this house. I have tried everything except running away. I would never do that because I know how it feels to have someone run away from you. My mother left me and my sister when I was 7 years old and never came back. That is why I love my sister so much. I loved her so much to I ruined all my chances of happiness so that so could be happy. Little did I know that she would leave my and I would be stuck in the middle of a nightmare. A nightmare that was also there. My Adoptive mother.

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cosmic_tide's picture
Jan 14

I'm sorry that sounds very rough. But eventually you can leave, you won't be there forever. That's horrible that you are separated from your sister. If you need someone to talk to you can message me anytime. Also can try to help if you're stuck on home work.

lifeishardbutiamforcedtosmile's picture
Jan 15

@cosmic_tide that would be nice

FreeWill2Go's picture
Jan 21

Definitely don't contemplate the decision to kill yourself, as you stated in your post. Pluck that idea from your brain right now because that is not a solution to your problems.

It sounds like there's a war going on with you and your sister vs your adoptive parents. Have you tried asking them what they expect from you?

My spouse did the exact same things to my youngest son, and like you, I walked into his bedroom to find him and his mom yelling back and forth with tears streaming down his face. He constantly insisted on having his personal space and time to himself. I stepped in to be the mediator of the argument by reasoning with both sides. After a 2 hour heart to heart talk with his mom and him, they reconciled their differences and all 3 of us exchanged hugs (my wife and I don't show affection to each other anymore because of our marriage arrangement).

My spouse is always forceful, always yelling, and very temperamental. My son listens to me because I usually have private talks with him when there's a problem, so I can understand what he's thinking and how he's feeling. Mom tries to push her ways on him, believing that she can change him. She believes in taking immediate action because she's worried that if we give him time and space, he might do something harmful to himself. She's tough love parent, and I'm the more endearing one who tries to see things from both sides. After talking with my spouse, it turns out that her forcefulness, aggressive nature, and temperamental behavior has good intentions because she wants my son to be successful and do better in life. Your adopted mom might be the same way.

My spouse grew up in a poor family and was exposed to a lot of violence, exposed to sexual predatory acts, and a lot of hardship conditions, and she grew up in a foreign country, which is why she acts the way she does. For a time, some of her parenting techniques were borderline physically abusive behavior, until I intervened by yelling at her about it and had many talks with her to fix it.

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