I have this friend and she's just as socially awkward as I a

I have this friend and she's just as socially awkward as I am except she doesn't have anxiety or depression and is actually happy and fine just can't communicate well. And the problem I have is that she always clings onto me, which I totally and completely understand but her presence is simply just too much for me. I hide my anxiety and depression from everyone, especially at school, so she doesn't know this but it bothers me that she follows me around, only ever talks to me and considers me as a human shield for her because I always do what I can to protect the underdogs, if I can that is.
I don't have heart to tell her this and hurt her feelings by completely pushing her away and ignoring her and distancing myself really doesn't help because she clings on even more.
I feel like I'm a terrible person for not giving her a chance but sometimes I want a little time on my own in class to focus, to blank out and stare at a wall, and I need this, I need it to calm myself down, to stop my panic from rising, an anxiety attack from happening, but that's just so freaking impossible because she's ALWAYS there, not giving me any room to breathe.
Again, I know I'm a terible person and that I should just accept her and know how she must be feeling when I'm not around to protect her and be a friend but I love my solitude, I've learned to live in my own solitude and, honestly, it's far better than communication, making friends, being with others, making small tak, it's just me and nobody else and no one ever tried to take that away from me. Except for her. And I know she doesn't do it on purpose since there's no way to know how much I cannot stand others around me but that still doesn't make it easier to cope with.
Any advice is welcome and I already know I'm not a good person and I should be more tollerant but it's just too much...

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rapchick1902's picture
[1280]
May 23

@Cait2 thanks, I really needed that.

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someonelikeme's picture
[5735]
May 23

@rapchick1902 You are not a terrible person, you set a healthy and appropriate boundary! Well done! As for making her cry, you did no such thing. Her own insecurities are her issues to deal with and overcome, it's unfair/unhealthy of her to place that burden on someone else. Being a good person starts with taking care of yourself, which is exactly what you did. Don't punish yourself for having the wherewithal to recognize a situation that could've become unhealthy for you!

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AcidRain's picture
[390]
May 24

@rapchick1902 for some reason my replies have not posting for two days... ~Cait2 is right. I hope the girl will be willing to talk to you once she has calmed down. Maybe you can both find a decent compromise, she can have her friend and you can have your space.

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