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I hate the fact that I think my husband is cheating knowing

I hate the fact that I think my husband is cheating knowing **** well I know he wouldnt do that to me. I have looked through his phone several times just to see if he is cheating. But I dont find anything in it that should make me question his loyalty to me. And he knows that I have looked through it a couple times because I tend to over think things and if I see him having a conversation w/a female friend of his I automatically think "hes cheating on me". This very last time that I went through I did find a disturbing message, but he explained and said it was joke because at his job all men speak to the female workers like that. He admitted that it was disrespectful towards me because he shouldnt be talking to another woman like that. But he also said its disrespectful for me to be going through his phone if he doesnt go through mine, which I agree is true. But he also said that if I went through his phone again we were done for good. I hate myself for thinking about things that are not and for being this way. I dont want to lose him because the demons in my head tell me different than what it actually is and they get the best of me. Sometimes I feel like taking my life because I just cant keep living like this.

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NevaMae99's picture
Aug 15

@lovejoy23 I'm concerned that your husband had such a strong reaction to you looking at his phone... especially to the point of saying he's done if you do it again. He agreed that it was disrespectful for him to speak to the co-worker that way but he also rationalized it by saying "everyone does it" and he followed it up by turning the conversation back to you looking at his phone. A true apology includes remorse and a broken spirit over what someone has done. Have you experienced that from him?

Aug 22

he always does that, turns the issue back on me. today we had another argument because while he was at the gym I called him to ask if he was coming home already. he said I wasn’t letting him focus on his workout, but I said it shouldnt be a problem for me to call him.

NevaMae99's picture
Aug 23

@lovejoy23 How long had he been gone at the gym? People who turn the issue to someone else are not able to take responsibility for their own actions, emotions and behaviors. That is not healthy in a relationship or in life. Do you feel like you're constantly having to walk on eggshells with him? That's how I felt with my ex and I felt like it was making me crazy. It's like whatever you do, you can't win. As much as you may try though, you won't be able to change him... even if you were the perfect wife in every way. This is his issue. Have you ever considered talking to a counselor? The behaviors you mention sound like a possible red flag to me. A counselor would help you work through your feelings with everything.


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