I am expecting my mother to call me tonight, it's the first

[3185]

I am expecting my mother to call me tonight, it's the first since 5 years ago. Meanwhile I have a lot of thoughts sharing my private feeling to her. I'm feeling I have anxiety about talking to her, I am afraid that I will lose the mother's image that she could understand my pain, but the reality is that she couldn't understand my pain.

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[3185]
Jan 11

@norseduncan not much. What happened is I isolated myself from all the people I know to process feelings in the past 5 years. Other than my wife and daughter, I am not relating to anyone. I need people to support me, on the other hand, it's difficult to trust people.

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[3185]
Jan 13

I took a long nap, my wife just came home and woke me up, it's almost 6pm. As my parents are coming closer, I started to see that I care a great deal about interest. In this relationship, I only need two things. First I need relief for my pain, 2nd I need financial support. I am not feeling I love them, but I need their money.

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[3185]
Jan 15

I woke up, bothered by politics, I'm in the process of separating the sh*t the politician gave me from the sh*t my father gave me. Politics are not abusive at personal level, I try not to take it personal. It's difficult when I see political system is racist, on some levels, not all levels.
I'm bothered by the reality, I'm feeling I was still looking for father's figure in politicians.

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