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Hi, I deal with anxiety on and off. Some days I have really


Hi, I deal with anxiety on and off. Some days I have really good days with no anxiety at all and some days I feel incredibly overwhelmed with a combination of overwhelming sadness. I just play through my head all the bad things and it makes me a little crazy. I don’t deal with grief very well and I don’t get over things very easily. What’s heavy on my mind right now is how happy I am to have my sweet 18 month old son, but how guilty I feel for being happy when I don’t have my first child with me. I miscarried February 7th, 2016, due September 8th 2016. They would be a little over 3 right now. Very tmi, but when I was little I was molested for years by my older cousin. This has been 14 years ago since the last time, but he recently “accidentally” messaged me and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for the last 3 months, everyday. I just don’t know how to move passed anything. It’s just my past is constantly creeping up on me. I can be so happy and then my thoughts ruin it. I self sabotage. I’m married, we moved across the country, I have a child, but I just can’t move on. Do any of you have advice or have gone through something similar? If you’ve read this far, thank you. I appreciate you.

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Jan 14

how about doing art?
i don't know... that seems to help me a bit.
what helps me
1. doing art.
2. using color
3. being outside (when it is not too cold) with other people.

Jan 15

I paint sometimes with my husband, but I’m not very good. A hobby wouldn’t be a bad idea though. I’m just not good at anything. Thank you for your reply.

Jan 16

Hi @HSR1995, I'm so sorry for all you've had to deal with and my heart truly goes out to you. Have you considered or had counseling for what you went through as a child? What happened to you was very wrong and I'm so sorry.
You are deserving of happiness and peace of mind despite what has happened. Please don't feel guilty about the miscarriage, it was not your fault. I also had a miscarriage at 20 weeks with my second child but I'm so grateful that I was able to get pregnant again and be blessed with a wonderful daughter who brings me so much joy. Your heart will always have a special place for the precious one you lost but your heart is also able to contain the joy of having your sweet 18 month old son and having wonderful moments with him.
I have found writing my feelings on paper to be good therapy and keeping a gratitude journal also helps me focus on the positive. I also recently took up watercolor painting even though I was initially clueless but I'm watching lessons on youtube and enjoying it. Sending you much hugs and a prayer.

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