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Hello everyone, this is my first time posting and I have be

Hello everyone,
this is my first time posting and I have been experiencing a lot of self harm thoughts and anxiety lately

I am currently in a relationship and my insecurities and anxiety have been causing so much rift between my partner that it came to the point that he started hacking my social media accounts and monitoring my online presence jsut so he can say that he was right all along with his assumptions.
I keep telling him that I would never cheat on him but he doesnt believe me.
we currently are in a long distance relationship because of COVID

I already came from an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship(s) in the past and it has been hard for me to be me. I just want to my partner but he doesn't have the emotional band with to process my anxiety.
I have been telling him from the get go that I have a hard time expressing myself when I am hurting or when my anxiety attacks. All he ants is just for me to be straight
He constantly tells me that it should be easy for me to be honest with my feelings or thoughts around him because he says " on his end has been honest and straight to point"
I keep telling him that I am not wired to like him and he gets frustrated that I don't get to open my emotions to him easily.

O tend to drink alot of painkillers just to help me sleep because i'm tired with all the crying
I'm just lost
I just want to know If i am the problem

It's really hard to write this

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catcondo's picture
Oct 17

Don't be sorry you just need help. Do you have a therapist? Therapy is helpful and you gotta treat yourself well. You gotta eat right exercise and sleep.

Oct 17

Hi SophieMia20, welcome and I'm glad you are here to process what you are going through and to get some support. This is exactly the right place to be. I'm sorry to hear that this has been such a tough patch in your relationship. But every relationship does take 2 people who are committed to being patient, accepting and helpful to one another. Especially when one of the partners is struggling. So while it sounds like you do have some personal issues to be working on which will make you a better partner in your relationship, he also chooses whether to make the relationship better or worse with his actions and the way he responds to you and your current needs. And it doesn't sound like he is being particularly kind to you at the moment. Would you say that he has been positive and supportive and a good partner for you before all of this current rift? And are you getting the medical and therapeutic help you need for yourself right now?

Oct 19

I am sorry that you are having anxiety issues. Maybe take some time away from the relationship to get some help with your issues. If your partner is having a hard time trusting that you won't cheat on him, and he needs to hack into your accounts to view your social media sounds like he too needs to talk with someone that could counsel him. Relationships can be a struggle, but they can work when trust and honesty are at the core. Find a counselor or pastor that you can both speak with, It would do you some good to resolve some issues before the relationship goes further.


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