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I’m just trying to get some perspective on some issues cur

[400]

I’m just trying to get some perspective on some issues currently going on in my life. I am a single/divorced woman and my best friend is a married male. We have known each other and were friends before either one of us was married. We went through school together and have worked multiple jobs together. We also live next door to each other. I’ve been a part of his family for years, attending holiday dinners, birthday parties, etc. There have never been any issues with our friendship until recently. It seems that overnight, his wife suddenly has a problem with our friendship and doesn’t want us around each other at all, even when she or their children are present. I’m not sure what happened and I’m just wondering if anyone else sees our friendship as being unusual or inappropriate? I personally never have but maybe I’m too close to the situation.

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norseduncan's picture
[203740]
Jun 29

@Jenn13 right? it should be that way. not everyone adults well

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[360]
Jul 11

Some friendships are for a reason and some are for a season. You friendship with him has already ended and its time to move on and move forward in creating more fullfilling and compatible new friendship. Stop putting yourself down because this is not working out for you. I hope you do well and move on to better contacts you actually like.

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I am sorry you are having a struggle right now. It is hard to go from having a best guy friend and suddenly it is not okay when it's been okay for years. But I have to say I can see his wife's point of view. My nephew and his wife moved in with their best friends so that all four of them lived together for years. Both couples are now divorced. Why? Because the friend's wife came to my nephew and confessed she was in love with him. And now two marriages have been destroyed. In my case, my husband and I were married for 13 years. There's this magic thing called Facebook. He reconnected with an old high school friend. I did not see anything wrong with their friendship. I didn't feel threatened. As a result we are divorced, He married the friend and our kids are still suffering from the fall out of his innocent friendship. I've seen at the church I used to attend how two people in the praise band just started out as friends, and they kept finding more and more reasons to be together, and soon she was leaving after church and going with him, her "friend" while her husband was left to take care of their boys. Fortunately, that one got nipped in the bud before it totally destroyed both their families, and now there is no praise band. But at least those little boys do still have their mom and dad together.
I get having a best guy friend. My best friend for years was a guy. But I think it's playing with fire. Nobody wakes up one day, saying, "Oh, today seems like a great day to destroy my family and ruin my marriage." It happens a little at a time. Just like it happened a little at a time for my now ex husband and his old high school friend. Just like it happened a little at a time between those two praise band members. Just as it happened a little at a time between my nephew and his best friend's wife. I know you probably do not agree with me, but if his wife is feeling insecure, she may have good reason to. I have heard it said that for the sake of marriage one should never go out to dinner with someone of the opposite sex alone or spend significant time alone. If you do anything, it needs to be done with him and his wife. I really encourage you to get a book by Jerry Jenkins "Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It." No one--absolutely no one is above falling into temptation, I never in a million years ever thought I had to worry about my husband. All it takes is going through some tough times, one partner taking the other for granted when someone else strokes the partner's ego. It can happen to ANYONE and I've seen example after example after example of something seeming harmless and innocent grow little by little into something that destroys multiple families. You can hang out with your best friend, but his wife should be present.

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