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Can someone tell me why is my mother like that?She is always

Pestisor's picture
[39020]

Can someone tell me why is my mother like that?She is always very "me,me,me".She does not want me and her to have the same clothes like a mother and daughter kind of thing,I mean if we would have a tshirt that is the same or something,I find it cute but she is totaly against it like hell no.If I ask to borrow something of hers it's a scandal....cause they are "HER THINGS" but I have no issue if she needs something from me,I am actually happy to be able to help her...now I do not even need to propose the ideea of borrowing anything from her cause I have my own stuff now but back then when I didn't and nobody would buy me anithing I was put into that position once or twice and she just reacted bad to it.Like for exemple one winter I didn't have any winter boots cause well I was a teenager and had no money and she had a few pairs and just bought a new one.So I had to go to the nye party (a small gathering of friends) and asked if I could borrow a pair for the night and well she just got very angry like "you are gonna ruin my boots"...And yeah...I just took my old shoes for the night.Honestly I feel like she acts like an annoyed bigger sister that whants to get rid of the little sister that's bothering her.I am beyond feeling hurt by her behaviour but I am feeling so tired of it and of the scandals she starts for attention I suppose.When she bought her car a few weeks ago and gor her license she was so happy and she would talk hours in detail about this subject but **** I really felt like she was happyer about that car than about me...like she loves more that car than me.She never talked with that much enthusiasm about me...No matter how good I did in school or work or life she was always like "meh" and often times when I did good she was actually beeing sad and resentfull...It was hard for me to understand her selfishness trough the years and lack of love for me and neglect but to see and feel her resentment towards me especially when I do well is heartbreaking.

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Pestisor's picture
[39020]
Jan 16

@kgmaxwell Thank you.I haven't tought about it like that.I appreciate your comment.Makes it easyer to look at things like that instead of taking it personally and feeling hurt.

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Pestisor's picture
[39020]
Jan 16

@kvolm2016 I do want to make an effort and I always try.I must admit it worked so far and things got better over time.But I think I have to accept as well that some things might never change.Maybe I got to a point where I expect too much even if it is not possible cause I got hope from past succeses.

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[5485]
Jan 16

@Pestisor I'm sure it seems odd that you being the daughter are the one who has to make the effort and probably be the one to lead the way on making things better. That has been the case with my relationship with my mom as well. But I think it is more difficult for them to change since they have been the way they are for much longer. Old habits and patterns are not as easily changed. And you are probably correct that there will be somethings which never change on her part.
It is good that you recognize some of her efforts and improvements. Maybe you can encourage her by complimenting her on the things which are better?

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