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My relationship with my boyfriend Dj is authentic and faithf

[285]

My relationship with my boyfriend Dj is authentic and faithful, but I always doubt it and him because of my past experiences. he doesn't deserve to be doubted like this :(.

p.s. Im sorry my grammar and punctuation are bad, it's because my laptop doesn't automatically correct it and im too lazy.

these are some thoughts I journaled the other day that I followed into an episode of sadness and self harm

i know hes cheating because im not enough and i know he would hide it from me because he knows im sensitive and he just feels bad that i would be hurt
im sure now that hes gotten to know me there is something wrong that he would find
i am too mean, selfish, lazy, insecure, terrible skin, stupidly i say ignorant stuff too often, and more
i just dont deserve dj

4pm - i know hes being faithful because he is an amazing person and would never do that to me. but these feelings of inadequacy and my inner critic are so strong sometimes i convince myself of the worst possible things and i just don’t trust him at all.
**the more i care about him, the more i want to be good enough for him and make him happy. the more i want that, the more i worry about not accomplishing it. the harder i am on myself. **
i wanna cry and take out these feelings on myself because i am the one that did this.
i shouldnt have gotten with dj because i know im messed up from the past partners I chose to be in my life and the pain they left me with. and he deserves so much better.
I don't want to tell him about my recent self harm relapse because I feel like he cares about me more than i care about myself and so he would feel more pain when im hurting than i would. i don't want him to hurt
so currently these feelings are so overwhelming that i dont feel like talking to him because it makes me sad
but when I don't talk to him there is a divide between us and I just become more distant.
im scared that my confidence and self-esteem issues will ruin the happiness I have found with dj.

i think i need to start therapy again because i can see that these thoughts are over exaggerative and negative
im grateful that i can at least see that much
i want to talk to someone because i dont want to feel inadequate for the rest of my life

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[180]
Oct 4

You are very welcome. *Hugs*

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[2925]
Oct 4

I am so glad you reached out here. Our inner critics can really get the best of us. I have learned that our thoughts can really affect our emotions and our behaviors. Sounds like you are in a wonderful relationship. Seeing a counselor again sounds like a good decision. When we are struggling, getting the support we need is important to feeling better. I am so glad you opened up to DJ. It is good for him to be able to understand your struggles and be a support for you too.

Here are two recommendations that work for me when I am struggling. Especially when it comes to harming yourself. We need to have a replacement of healthier ways to deal with those feelings and emotions. One is deep conscious breathing. I call it the 557 breathing. Breath in through your nose for the count of 5 breathing in all the good things you want in life, hold for count of 5 and exhaling through your mouth for the count of 7 letting go of any thoughts or hurts that are affecting you. Do this sequence 10 times or for about 2 min. You will be amazed at how relaxed and at peace you feel after the breathing sequence.

The other one is called Emotional Freedom Tapping. This method helps incorporate positive self-talk with acupressure points. Here is a link to show you the points. . https://bit.ly/2m1cegn
Find something encouraging to say to yourself like I am strong, I am self-assured, I am special, I have value - then tap on the points. You do this on both sides of the body. You will be amazed at how self-empowered you feel after this exercise. Doing these in replacement to the desire for self-harm helps establish new healthy habits. I will be praying for you. Know you are not alone. PM any time inf you want to chat. God is your strength. I know you can avoid self-harming. You are strong! God bless! Hugs!

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[2925]
Oct 9

How are you doing this week? I found another great article that might be helpful to you. https://bit.ly/2pb5jTm Please let me know how you are doing. I am praying for you. Hugs!

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