Yesterday the lad who raped me and another girl whilst on ba

KML_Hunnie1990's picture
[128440]

Yesterday the lad who raped me and another girl whilst on bail for ma offence was put in the news paper, still can't believe he's been sent down... Doesn't feel real... Coming up to Halloween the day it happened and I still can't push it away... What can I do :'( terrified to get with other lads just feel suffocated

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Innerturmoil's picture
[5065]
Oct 17

@KML_Hunnie1990 *** Trigger warning***My advice to you strongly and sincerely is this. Dont get on with other lads... it is the last thing you need right now. It is like trying to paint over pealing damaged paint. No matter how much paint you put on, or how fast, slow smooth... any technique (speeking to dating/relationship) will still come up with the same results... the rough damaged paint will make the new paint crack, flake, and fall apart. You must remove the damaged paint before repainting if you have hopes of it coming out nice. The same is with something like this. My wife went through sexual abuse when she was young, and never dealt with it. She developed Complex PTSD and still 30 years later is affected by this. before me, she found herself in abusive relationships, where her partner was mentally,physically and sexually abusive to her... She has made huge progress since doing therapy for complex PTSD but it has been an extremely rough time for us. She had had serious issues with trust and had flashbacks over and over... At times going away during sex, and mentally reliving the times that caused the trauma. At other times she had parts that she had blocked out coming back, and rather than avoiding thinking about them, she tried to remember, at which point she reverted to her 8 year old self... Yeah... talking like an 8 year old girl, I asked her who she was, She told me she was "Minnie" (the nic they called her as a child) I asked how old she was, she said 8, She was crying telling me how it hurt, and how her grandfather had shared her with 2 other men while he watched and participated.. One of them telling her how she was "pretty in pink" and calling her "Princess.. She told me how she tried so hard not to be there... that she closed her eyes but could hear the sounds of them entering her in all ways. I talked her out of it by tellng her she was safe and that she was in her 30's, that she has a children, showed her the pictures,etc... she came back, and asked what happened. I started to tell her, then when we got to any of the details she had remembered/shared with me as an 8 year old version of herself she turned 8 again... brought her back, she asked what happened, and i told her she turned back into 8y/o Minnie but i couldnt tell her more because she would go... so now i have to carry this. knowing what happened to her, knowing that she wants to know why she has these flashbacks of multiple men taking her, but doesnt know why, and knowing I cant tell her... Dont get me wrong... I am in no way playing the victim.. I only wish i was able to know this while the evil monster was alive, and to see some form of justice done... but she wrote a letter, and left it on his grave, telling him what a monster he was and that he was sh!t and that she forgave him, and even told him that she loved him, and moved past it. She is doing much better with her rage, and her disappearing act,though avoidance to adversity is still a pretty big issue, and to this day at 37 years old, if anyone is chewing gum with mouth open, or noisily she has trouble fighting back the anger and has to ask through gritted teeth to chew with the mouth shut. I have answers why she hates and will not wear pink and if she does she insists it is purple or fuchsia etc. Though she has no idea why she doesnt like it... She gets upset when my 6 year old daughter wants to pretend she is a princess, and she is constantly triggered if my daughter shows me any kind of physical affection... hugs, piggyback rides, wrestling, tickling, cuddling while watching tv, if i lay beside her (my daughter) on her bed reading her a story... she is triggered, and turns bitter and cold to me and my daughter. When i ask her what is wrong, it is always "Nothing!" and usually doesn't tell me until drag it out of her hours or days later... then we talk, address it, and then slowly she comes back... Again... Understand, I am not in any way trying to paint myself a martyr or my wife a villain. She is an amazing woman who loves me with white hot passion and tenderness of the like i have no comparison when things are going well, but when the scar is touched, her pain all comes back like it is now and like it was me who caused it. I dont like sharing this kind of stuff about my wife, because with all of my heart I love her and wish i could wish it away... but I cant, but if i can use it, to help you from having to live it I believe (after a cooling period and a long talk) even she would approve... I believe CKBlossom has seen some of the triggered behavior of my wife, when she found out I was on here and assumed it was to bash her and to pick up women even though I have never cheated on her in my life... Un-scraped paint ruins everything that comes after if not dealt with... and is much much much harder to deal with years later and then only addresses the issue, not the bad habits you teach yourself in efforts to keep yourself safe. They work... but the also keep you safe from ever enjoying/trusting/feeling and that is just not ok.
Please... I strongly wholeheartedly beg you, Please find a therapist with experience in PTSD and rape and talk to them about this... Dont blow it off... Deal with it now, before it changes you into a hard cold distant shell of your former self or sends you down a path of more abuse.

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CKBlossom's picture
[501510]
Oct 17

@KML_Hunnie1990 I am glad you are safe, not it is time to work on healing.

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Innerturmoil's picture
[5065]
Oct 17

I'm sorry, I put the cart before the horse... I am obviously a little traumatized by my personal experiences and was trying to help, but CK is right... You are safe, and that IS the most important thing in this moment.

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