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Is it normal to want to dwell on the pain? Even though it wa

hopexo's picture
[18175]

Is it normal to want to dwell on the pain? Even though it was last year? The months of May through September trigger so much anxiety for me. May 2016 was the highest point of my life, and May 2017 was the lowest. I’m afraid. The anxiety is already starting. Curse these months.

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[9900]
May 14

@hopexo I am just coming out of an anniversary triggered time. It is a difficult month. I am glad you are attempting some fun, and making new memories. Hugs

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Round3's picture
[29600]
May 14

It's sort of tricky ... doing something fun to get away from the memories. On one hand, you want to replace the bad with good, but on the other hand you don't want to run away or stuff the feelings. For me, the first anniversary I just tried to breath. I planned easy days before and after, to give myself as much space to feel whatever comes up and to take care of myself. A few years later, I intentionally planned something fun and remembered my friend who was killed instead of focusing on the accident itself. Now, it's just a blip, like my dad's birthday, "oh crap, it's today!" lol. I guess my point is that, for me, the build up was worse than the actual day, and to make sure you allow yourself to be whatever you need to be in that moment. And if you can, find something positive to remember, not just the bad.

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[1490]
May 15

So sorry you are having a hard time. I think round3's advice is right on. My world fell apart when on Feb 17, when I was 13 yo. That was when I finally told someone about the abuse in my home. I ended up safe and got help to process, but that date kept a hold on me for several years. I did learn to recognize my temperament would change a few days before - snappy, short, would rather be alone, etc. It took a little work, but I made myself find good things about that time of the year to focus on rather than dwelling in the past. You are already on the path of changing how deeply this affects you by doing fun, positive things. Keep on keeping on. You've got this.

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