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I very much anxious right now. I am starting to feel like I

I very much anxious right now. I am starting to feel like I am doing the wrong move, the wrong approach. I am starting to suspect I am not dealing things properly. We just moved from another city. I choose to leave because I feel like every single inch of where I came from reminds me of my narc and the life that I should be living if he didn't came and shredded everything. All the nightmares are there I cant stand being there. Even breathing seems so hard in that godd*am place. And everyone that knows me in that place is aware of what he did to me. He got me pregnant and left me alone with his child. Now he's got a new girl continued his life while avoing all his resposibility. Aside from my own self pity, I can also feel like everyone feels sorry for me. My friends there and everyone who knows us feels sorry. And I hate it. The least thing that I actually need right now is pity. At least not from them. So I packed and moved to another city and start a new life with my kid. But my parents are against it. Well they have all the right to oppose. Everything is great in that city. A great university, where I used to study is there and they don't want me to give that up. They want me to graduate from there. They said that I am escaping. What does a city have anything to do with my moving on. They said that even if I went to the moon and live there if I am in pain I'd still be in pain. I should conquer all my shame and agonies and guilt in that place. I think they have a point. But being there feels like a torture for me but I don't know if moving away is the right choice.

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chinaandback's picture
[795]
Jun 13

Hi, have you already moved? How far? Sometimes a new start is exactly what is needed to heal. Could you possibly finish your degree on-line? If you have moved with your child and feel a sense of peace and things are going well, then be confident in your decision. I hope you have the support of your parents and family whether you've moved away or stayed in the area. If you have not yet moved, maybe just a week or two away may help clear your mind and help you decide? Also, have you thought of counseling to help sort out the feelings that are causing you anxiety?

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freeone1234's picture
[6295]
Jun 13

@Relapsing
For me, I bought a boat in Florida and moved from California 2 months after the divorce was final. I left some excellent friends, supportive family and extensive support system when I moved. I intended on sailing to the Bahamas but got majorly sidetracked into recovery. The main thing I have here now is a support group that is as big as what I left behind in CA. People told me about geographical changes were just that and they were not helpful in recovery. I don't agree or disagree with them, because it depends on the person. Everything I needed to recover from was always right there with me and moving didn't make it better or worse. I do miss my friends and family (somewhat lol), but also love the adventure of another local. My CPTSD was minimal compared to what you describe and only you can sense what is right for you. I will say that making big changes in the midst of so much havoc is not the best environment to make them in. However, it sounds like you already moved and it's no longer really a moot point so, best of your recovery from me to you and your child!

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[106210]
Jun 13

@freeone1234 I think you made one of the most valid points. IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE INDIVIDUAL!... Each person’s perspective and reaction to a situation, event, and what they perceive as a trauma is different. That is why decisions need to be made according to what is right for that person. What may be a life-saving decision for one person, may be detrimental to another. It’s very difficult when parents, and others whose opinion you value, don’t see things the same way as you do. But they are not inside your head, and don’t understand how you feel. This is the time to quiet all the other sounds and voices, and listen to your heart; the instinctual voice that reveals your true feelings. It’s best to wait until an agitated emotional state has passed, and you can see things clearly. It takes courage to follow your own direction, even if others disagree. It’s YOUR life, and not theirs. (@freeone, I’m jealous; I wish I could sail away to the Bahamas. Good for you!)......

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