I don't think I'm ever going to be able to have a healthy in

Jordan5683's picture
(20500)

I don't think I'm ever going to be able to have a healthy intimate relationship bc of my jealousy. I hate it.

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Jordan5683's picture
(20500)
Oct 24

@ALynne I've never been happy and I don't think I'm worthless but thanks.
Did you delete your post?

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ALynne's picture
(410)
Oct 24

@Jordan5683 one day you will. I promise. A lot of times I feel my while life is nothing but misery and trauma, that I'll never be happy or loved. But I find happiness in little things, like looking at the stars each night, or watching how nature changes each day, reminding me that nothing is constant and change is always possible
And I had a post and it showed it posted incomplete, so I deleted it.

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(175)
Oct 24

Hey Jordan,
I thought of something that I wanted to share with you. There have been many times that I felt angry at myself, and hopeless, because I felt that my jealousy, or some other flaw about myself, ruined something that I hoped would be special for me, like a relationship. It's hard to convey in writing how deeply despondent I felt, at the moment. The thing is that those feelings went away. Sometimes they surprisingly went away very quickly and sometimes they lingered for awhile. Once they went away, I could reflect on those moments and feel a lightness, and sometimes humor about the experience. Eventually, after a long time, I was able to see that, in the grand scheme of things, those "relationships" were small moments that bore little significance to the whole of my life. It's hard to see that when you are immersed in deep pain and self loathing, but there are so many moments to be experienced, some in relationships, and some in other ways. You just don't know it because the future is a surprise party that you just have to let happen.

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