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Hey all. It’s me again, just wanted to let everyone know I

Hey all. It’s me again, just wanted to let everyone know I’ve been doing great, since my last problem with OCD/HOCD I’ve been awesome. Until recently, I think I’m dealing with the same problem again, there’s been a lot going on in my life recently, I’ve been trying to change myself as a person, I’m still dealing with my addiction to pornography and stuff, and it’s been going good until I relapsed, and for some reason I felt really bad afterwards, very guilty. Then during school the next day I was think of why I was feeling guilty, and I thought it was because I was gay.. And then the thoughts and worries started pouring in again, and it’s weird because it happened around the same time it happened last time, just turned 16, and last time it happened after I turned 15. That whole day, I was up in stress and anxiety, worrying about if these thoughts are true. And then at the same time, I had feelings for a girl, and we did some stuff (probably TMI but I’m just searching for support) and then after that, it made me feel guilty again, and my guilt and anxiety caved in even more.. Leading to more obsessive thoughts, then I relapsed again yesterday, felt guilty again, and then today was another bad day, I’ve been thinking about all my goals and stuff, to get rid of my addictions and change myself as a person, I want to stop viewing girls in such a sexual way and view them more as people, and since I’m trying to do that, I want to avoid relationships right now, and that’s just left me a thinking even more, my mind is coming up with things like “Oh you don’t want to be in a relationship with a girl, and you’re not interested in a girl, so you must be gay” and it’s left me stressed, and anxious. I don’t want to be gay, just like last time, I just want to improve myself as a person first, and then I’ll be open for relationships. But all this HOCD has just been, ugh, getting in the way.

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SimonaAlex's picture
Feb 14

@IllegalAssassin I understand that feeling different can be real. I've also experienced this. You need to accept the fact that you're feeling this way. As for your attraction, don't force it. The longer you force them, the longer it will take you to fully recover.

IllegalAssassin's picture
Feb 16

@SimonaAlex What do you mean when you say dont Force them? And also is it normal to go through things like the chest tightening feeling whenever I see a dude? I dont even know why I feel that and I don’t want it to stay. And for some reason whenever I think of male genitalia I get aroused, and I don’t want that either.. This is all just so tough to deal with, I just want to feel attraction towards women and their features, not men and their features

NickKephalas542's picture
Feb 16

I was feeling the same as you did. I got through this for 1 day and it came back. That day i was feeling completely straight. But now it came back. You will get through this either sooner or later.


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