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Hello everyone. Sorry I post here a lot but I feel it's okay

Hello everyone. Sorry I post here a lot but I feel it's okay to do so, you won't judge, I hope.
I started talking to a guy in 12th grade. I met him via Facebook and we've just spoken for the last 4 years. And yes, I'm sure I've not been catfished because he's from a military family as well & we've video called and all. I had a crush on him and all. Then I let it go and he asked me out &said that be my girlfriend and we'll meet and that'll be our first date. I was going through really bad hocd then and I said no. Then it's been 4 years since we've been talking. I'm in thirdr year of uni now and will be graduating this summer. For the last few days, I've been thinking about him. He lives in the society right across the street but I still don't meet him even though he's said so many times. I said I feel shy and my friends say I'm crazy for not meeting him. I don't know how it'll be when I meet him. I don't know what stops me from meeting him - I feel weird. Like for example if I saw him ag the same.metro station, I'd probably hide. Lol. I've been fantasizing about kissing him & all that. But, for the couple of days I'm like I don't even want to think about all that. At one point, I actually thought I wanna marry him and everything. But now something doesn't feel right and somewhere I'm linking this to my hocd though I know this isn't true. But what is this? Why am I feeling this way?

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@Iwantmyoldselfback thanks but I'm really confused regarding this situation now!

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Panna1's picture
[995]
Feb 10

I get this way too when I really like someone. It's probably two reasons you like him so much unconsciously you are concerned you'll mess it up some how. Or maybe it's consciously like me. I am a totally idiot when it comes to flirting or being smooth. I always have toothpaste on my shirt or my hair is a frizzy mess when I try to be smooth. It's unfortunately a confidence thing. Try a first date in a park or a zoo some place where you are walking and talking easier to not have to stare at each other trying to make conversation. Secondly you said you were friends mostly until recently he asked you out? After crushing on him so much then having him ask you out feel like a dream right? It's possible you don't trust it like your anxiety is causing you to second guess this because i am guessing you don't normally get what you want? This is probably happening subconsciously but your body the nerves and stuff is reacting to it. You've known him for years I'd say it's safe to trust yourself. Go get coffee super informal laid back no pressure.

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@Panna1 no I don't think this is about me.messing it up. Yeah, I know. But something about meeting him bothers me. Like I can't put a finger on it. Maybe, it has something to do with him or something. I don't know, it's just strange to me too

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