hi everyone I've been feeling burnout and this really bad a

hi everyone
I've been feeling burnout and this really bad and dirty feeling of envy keeps coming up. A close friend of mine decided to tell her parents about her struggles, insecurities and her bullied past. And she shared their response with me and I felt myself tearing up because I know how much courage it took for her to speak up and how free she must feel now. I was and I am so happy for her.
Then my envy kicked in. I wish i could tell my parents too. and i wish they would understand me the way her parents did. I want to tell them that i was teased and bullied because i was 'fat' since i was 10 years old. i wanted to tell about the catcalling, the uncomfortable gazes at me, i wanted to tell about how every time i went to practice for the church band, they asked me about my weight and once made me turn around to see if i lost any weight. i want to tell them about how i get scared of failing and disappointing them, about the breakdowns i had before exams. That i developed anxiety and had my first anxiety attack because of a fight they had. Every consecutive anxiety attack in situations that was always at home because of their fights. That my anxiety had gotten worse during this lockdown and i feel scared to talk on phones or answer in classes. about the suicidal thoughts and an almost attempt. But I already know how the entire conversation will go. And please believe me when i tell you that i literally know how the entire conversation will go. during an argument once, i told my dad to try to listen to me once and understand my side and the mental health implications on me. I'll never forget what he said. "I don't care if it kills you from the inside. You will never talk back to me"
so i guess it says a lot when you can tell a bunch of strangers on the internet things you can't say to the people you've known your whole life.

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ruin's picture
(2855)
Jul 17

@moopink not everyone knows what we feel and think. we just have to live knowing people may not always understand.

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105's picture
(2010)
Jul 18

@moopink shoot, that stinks. Some people just don't think outside of there own world. My Dad doesn't get some of my problems and often said "forget about it" with the God Farther voice so I just quit discussing problems with him. But he wasn't mean about it.
I am not on here very often but will support you if you want to text.

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FlowerG's picture
(465)
Jul 21

@moopink
The best thing to do is learn to become numb to insults. If he calls you fat go with a "I am who I am and your opinion doesn't change anything. Thank you." Because thats all insults are, vulgar opinions. No matter what someone will always find you funny,pretty,cute,smart etc. One persons opinion holds no weight. Secondly write down how you feel and what was said to you in the form of a letter then burn it. It's like letting it go forever. If you must release your hurt or anger in another way,punch a pillow until you grow tired. Lastly, forgive your father for Yourself not for him. Holding onto these emotions is toxic and only harms you in the long run.

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