Hello Supporters, I really could use some encouraging words

Hello Supporters,
I really could use some encouraging words during this season. This time of the year is always hard for me because my mother and grandmothers have passed on. I have some aunts and female cousins, but in the past it’s been nothing but drama so we’re distant. I really miss receiving that warm, womanly love. It’s just my dad, my brothers and I, as well as their significant others. It’s hard being around the women they bring in because they don’t care for me. Not to say it’s solely their fault. I’m very introverted and shy, so I make efforts to speak to everyone but I’m not naturally cheerful, inviting and conversational however I am always nice and respectful. My shyness can often be misinterpreted as standoffish, when the funny part is they’ve known me to always be a shy kid. I guess now that I’m grown that’s supposed to disappear, but I do make every effort. I’m socially awkward so it’s tough (I’m also an over thinker so to keep myself from coming off offensive or awkward I keep quiet). My mother was GREAT at bridging the gap and making everyone feel welcomed to open up. Now that she’s gone, everything is always sooo awkward. It’s been 11 years, and I’m sorry to say that I will not be the glue to the family that they want for me to be. It’s a lot of pressure being the only girl growing up, you’re expected to step up and be what the boys need and make everyone else feel good but what about my needs? I keep strong and nonchalant about most things because I have no choice but to be. I’ve learned in my experience that opening up to my family does absolutely nothing. There’s literally no emotional support there. And yes, I have tried counseling a year and also a mentoring program last year, let’s just say they were in it for the check and not the purpose. I yearn to meet a woman I can genuinely be connected to and can receive advice or support from. It’s just tough. Just to give some further insight…I lost my mom in my mid teens and I’m now in my mid twenties. I really feel like I’m experiencing a crisis, the last couple of years have been so challenging.

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Littleturtle1000's picture

I'm so sorry for your losses. That's got to be really tough on you. I understand what you mean how people could think you are being standoffs. I suppose all of us have to compensate for the ereas we lack in. There are other ways that you can show you care and are friendly. Make time to mail holiday cards to your brothers and their significant others. If you're too shy to talk very much when they are around then maybe sending them a nice text saying how nice it was to see them and you really enjoyed their company will show them you are friendly just shy that's all. There's lots of people that are shy it isn't like you are some freak..right? Start coming up with ideas to show you care and enjoy their company. I'm sure it will be appreciated. Think of some ways for you to meet new people it will make you feel good knowing you are trying. You may be going through a crisis if that's how you feel. Start with googling ideas to meet people you might find some good ones that appeal to you.

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CKBlossom's picture
(518155)
Nov 24

If the holidays are just too painful and awful, do you have to attend, can you just have something small with your father on your own? Also, do you have people in your life who do bring you joy and who you do enjoy being around?

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