I really want to tell them to stop contacting me, but I don'

[6130]

I really want to tell them to stop contacting me, but I don't want to reply to them. I mean, I know it's not very clear of me and they will continue to try to talk to me if I don't reply to them because I"m not setting a boundary or being clear on my desire to not speak with them anylonger.

I have however been exceedingly clear with them on my desire to not be emotionally abused by them anymore, however they fail to meet my demands. Right now they are love bombing. Sending message after message, trying to open contact, telling me they love me as they have numerous times in the past, however I know the next step is that they will attempt to worm their way in so they can gaslight me in some way shape or form again.

I have spoken to them about the behavior numerous times. It doesn't stop. So it's frankly to the point that I don't even want to speak with them at all because I KNOW it will happen again.

The last time I broached this topic with them, they said it was UNFAIR of me to use previous experiences to try to predict how future experiences will go. So basically they want to love me, abuse me and then get a blank slate- rinse and repeat ad nauseum.

I'm smart enough to be able to detect patterns in their behavior honestly and I am so beyond done with the being abused part that it makes me physically ill. I want to vomit every time my father contacts me, because I know the inevitable psychological torture will begin with subtle mind games until they flat out twist reality to the point of absurdity and I no longer tolerate it.

I honestly believe they enjoy gaslighting me and twisting the world around so subtly that I end up so confused and disoriented that I have to fall back on them to put myself back together. Only they want me put back together as their little drone, not me.

My dad once told me that nobody likes doing projects with him, so he had to create a person to do so. I think he resents me that I have my own likes independant from him, and I think my mom resents that I grew past infancy. Maybe that's why she keeps a shrine with my picture in her bathroom and is angry at me all of the time.

Point is, my father and mother both twist reality to the point that I have to keep journal entries because I end up doubting myself so badly that I lose the ability to stick up for myself and then my ability to function. My mother has some pretty bad anger issues from her family and takes it out on everyone covertly. My father is completely narcissistic and refuses to see how hurtful his words are, or were as a child, or how they continue to be hurtful. He thinks it's funny.

I know this will happen so I want to avoid them. I am also pretty sure they actively enjoy hurting me, so I want to avoid them as well. There is no other reason for them to completely ignore my wishes or needs to not be made fun of/berated/lied to/lied about/told I don't remember it correctly because it disparages them/constantly have the past embarrassing things brought up in public and used against me.

I am done.

How do you tell someone not to talk to you WHILE they are in the middle of being nice to you during a love bomb- without sounding completely psychotic?

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[6130]
Jul 17

@Anthony26 See that's the thing. I'm not convinced they don't actually care about me. I think they just physically cannot stop themselves from abusing me or going psycho on me. Like there is something inside them that starts dying unless they hurt me. My dad anyway, My mom I'm pretty sure is just broken entirely.

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[6130]
Jul 17

@HeartnSoul I sometimes wonder if they cannot love but still care, or maybe the other way around. I'm not sure, but the two aren't the same thing honestly. I wonder if that's the problem with them. You ever think that way?

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[585]
Jul 17

My soon to be ex was love bombing me and I almost fell back into the cycle but then I found out that in the middle of professing his undying love he was on match.com, it is hard to decipher the truth from the lies because we so badly want their love to be true, but I promise you it isn't. When he would love bomb me I started just ignoring his texts and emails, believe me that was the hardest thing I have ever ever done because I desperately wanted it to be the truth. I promise if you ignore their love bombing they will move on and leave you alone, which to be honest, does not feel good but I know it is part of the healing process.

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