I finally figured out how to hide them from my facebook post

[6240]

I finally figured out how to hide them from my facebook posts so I'm going through all my old posts and blocking them from seeing each one. My heart is pounding worrying that they will somehow find out and things will get blown out of proportion again- and will end up blaming me for overreacting somehow. Granted I have felt under the weather the last few days- I got hit by a bug or something so I'm stuck at home with nothing to do but stay near a bathroom, so I'm probably a little cabin-feverish at this point, but I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack about this.

They've been sending me little messages complaining about their health and not once asking how I am. I know I can't talk to them about how crummy I feel with this bug without them complaining that I'm being ungrateful yet I'm expected to simply be their shoulder to cry on when they need someone to vent to.

His latest development has been making jokes publically about how he used to verbally abuse me. It's not funny- it never will be- and he's joking about how encouraging and loving of a father he used to be when I was a kid- knowing full well that he was awful to me.

Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit honestly. I need to talk about it, but I'm so afraid of being an inconvenience like I have been my whole life that I don't want to unload on everyone. Except it's just all bottled up and I don't know how to get it out.

I just wish that someone understood what it was like to have a horrible parents and what verbal/psychological abuse does to a person. Most people think I'm overreacting so I don't talk to them about it, but when they ask about my parents I never know what to say. I can't tell them I hate them, but I can't lie and say they are good people when I know they are not.

My husband sees what my parents do to me, he hates it, but keeps thinking that maybe they will behave next time because I set them straight. Like the last 32 years of me "setting them straight" have ever actually done anything and it's just exhausting. He doesn't press the issue or try to get me to make friends with my parents anymore, because he knows they are mean, he just doesn't seem to get it, and I can't really talk to him about this.

I wish they would just leave me alone, but they keep contacting me, and I can't really block them because then things will get worse. I'm so at a loss for what to do with them anymore, and I'm so exhausted that I have to keep dealing with this. Every time they reach out to me I start to panic and I just don't know what to do anymore but try to make sure they can't even see reminders that I exist.

I mean I can't do anything about the shrines my mom has built out of pictures and twigs and random nicknacks that she has hidden in her bathroom, but at least I can purge FB from them being able to see anything that might make her want to contact me.

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369's picture
[23140]
Jul 12

1. I need to talk about it, but I'm so afraid of being an inconvenience like I have been my whole life that I don't want to unload on everyone.
2. it's just all bottled up and I don't know how to get it out.

1. Your not an inconvenience! Your useful, and needed
2. Open up to us slowly, we won't see you as a burden, but someone needing a listening ear.
3. Family isn't the easiest to deal with, but you can just tell them I don't want you in my life at this point, respect my wishes, or I'll place a restraining order against y'all!

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[6240]
Jul 16

@369 The hard part for me, is that when it starts out, they love bomb. I can't really react to it negatively and tell them to stop contacting me while they are love bombing because then I look like the one who is psycho. They have accused me numerous times of being narcissistic myself when I don't reply, they accuse me of being arrogant when I try to stick up for myself, or they accuse me of making things up and being completely out of tune with reality. To make things worse, they have never said outright that I'm crazy, just that I make things up which is not true.

He's still trying to contact me just a few minutes ago even and I honestly don't know what to say to him that won't get twisted out of proportion or skewed by them to mean something I didn't say.

They gaslight CONSTANTLY. It's like they breathe it instead of oxygen. It's ridiculous.

They are the only people I have this problem with honestly though. i know many people IRL and I seem to function in the same reality as the rest of the world, but my parents are off in their own little dimension of their own.

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369's picture
[23140]
Jul 17

@iammedotcom you have to stand firm no matter what they say or do! Love bombing, name calling, nice, mean, gift giving, etc. If you don't they will keep playing the same game that works to bring you back under their thumb. So look like a psycho in their eyes to break the old routine. Accept their name calling, allow it to wash over you, because we (your friends) know your not anything but sweet, kind, & caring. :-)

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