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So it's been a while since I've been here. I feel so all ove

[520]

So it's been a while since I've been here. I feel so all over the place and I haven't learned to deal how I'm assuming society needs me to deal. I'm still in. Sexless marriage, very confused. I feel like maybe I did something to become so undesirabl, resentful towards him. I also feel lonely, like I've noticed and felt like people seek my "friendship" to get in contact with someone i may know. So end up feeling alone and used. [O think that's how my husband started too. He wanted to get with my friend]. I'm hurting just thinking about it and I'm tired and just feel like why keep trying if I'm just going to be used and thrown out and forgotten like the trash o feel that I am.

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[2885]
Aug 7

I am so glad you reached back out on this support group. It is always helpful to share and have encouragement and support from others. Have you and your husband sought counseling? Have you discussed with him how you are feeling? I used to struggle with my husband had low self-esteem; it even caused me depression on and off for over 20 years. Then I had to learn through working with a health and life coach that the first relationship I had to work on was with myself. I had to figure out what I needed from myself, not from my husband. I had to learn that I can be empowered, take care of myself, and be strong. It was my own personal self-journey. I started to eat healthier, exercise more, really become in-tuned with what my body needed and my emotional mental state needed. As I was on my self-awareness journey, my husband noticed I was becoming a stronger more self-assured woman. I felt better about myself and that made a difference at how he looked at me as well. I would only say positive uplifting things about myself to myself and others. I no longer felt like the victim. A lot of this journey was figuring out what is important to me. Myself care, my relationship with God, what I like to do in life, my husband, and my children. Once I was saying encouraging things to myself and praying each day. I felt much better and was able to communicate with my husband more rationally and he saw a difference in me. I will be praying for you to become stronger. We can't rely on others for our own joy. That is our choice. Through prayer and asking God for His strength I know you can make healthy changes in your life. Please keep in touch and I am available to chat if you ever want to message me. Hugs to you.

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[2885]
Aug 12

Hi Lala,
Just thought I would see how you are feeling this week. You continue to be in my prayers. God Bless!

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[520]
Oct 8

Thank you @lovetodance2018 & @Clarebear. Sorry for being MIA but thank you for your kind words. Last Saturday a few things came up and I had to contact the Suicide Prevention line. On Saturday I unintentionally found some very damning photographs of my husband. And he had to confess that he is not attracted to me sexually because he is gay. This has been a terrible week for me. I don't know what to do with myself, I've been forcing myself to be okay only for my children but I feel very lost, betrayed , hurt ,unworthy, battered. I don't know what I'm going to do everything is still so fresh and I just feel like a fool. I can't stop crying and it's not that I'm sad I am just so frustrated with everything. I've been with this person since I was 17 years old I am 37 now. Trying to figure out and I'm angry so angry and defeated. Desperately need but I feel like there is no one because I'm embarrassed that I was fooled for so many years of my life.

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