I'm having an OMG moment. If you've read any of my posts be

comfortablynumb's picture
[7395]

I'm having an OMG moment. If you've read any of my posts before, you know that I lead a very hectic, busy and frankly overwhelming life. It's 10pm and I'm just now able to stop and catch my breath after going non-stop since 5:15am.

Which is why I'm shocked that I've just sent off for information about going back to school. I have a degree, but it's older and outdated and not very applicable in the world today, at least without further education. So, I'm looking at taking some classes towards either a certification type program or possibly even a masters degree. I desperately want to not be so dependent on my spouse, who seems to be falling down the rabbit hole pretty fast. And as the sole breadwinner in our family, if he refuses to get help, I'm concerned that the day may come when he is unable to work at all. He's barely getting by right now as it is.

But the thought of taking classes on top of my already insane schedule is terrifying!!! I have 2 kids, both in school and both with massive amounts of tests and homework, not to mention all their after school activities. I JUST finished studying with my youngest a little while ago. How will I find the time to study and do my own homework while still being here for them? What did I do???

I know, thinking long term, that this is a great thing. I never intended to be at home indefinitely and this will give me the best chances of a good career after completed. But the thought of adding one more thing to my already insane schedule is overwhelming.

Ugh.

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[110]
Sep 16

It is really sad for me to hear you say that his only emotions are "sadness, fear and anger". Wow I cannot imagine. It touches me to hear that despite all that, you still love him so much and I can tell you really want to try to help him. If he refuses therapy, have you thought about perhaps bringing him to a church where may be he will be exposed to more positive friendship and influence? Church has been a uniting factor and a place my husband and I have built positive relationships. Over the years we have so many struggles big and small, but positive friendships have kept us growing and solving those issues that I could not have done alone. Many churches now has couples group where people help each other with similar problems. Just hate to see you deal with all this on your own. Also, have you considered individual counseling even if he refuses to go? I am praying for you my friend!

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comfortablynumb's picture
[7395]
Sep 16

@cclun1680 Thank you again! We do attend church. Our minister actually has offered to speak with him about his depression but he won't do it. And I do see a therapist on my own, at least twice a month.

Sadly, he also has no friends. Over the years, he's pushed nearly everyone out of his life. The only person he was close to was his father, who has passed. I've encouraged him to reach out to old buddies, but again...no luck. I've also encouraged him to pick up some old hobbies, exercise or something. He simply will not do it. Sometimes, I think he just wants to be this way.

He wasn't always this way and I hold out some hope that he can find his joy again. But as each year passes, it's looking less and less likely. What worries me most is the effect it's starting to have on our family. Like I said, he has 3 emotions-anger, sadness and fear. And he responds to everyday trials of life with only those 3 emotions. For example, today, he was feeling sad so he decided to take a nap...in the den, which is the busiest room in our house. I suggested he go to the bedroom, but he said he wanted to be in the den. I did my best to keep the kids away from him, but the wanted to play a video game in the den. I said they could, as long as they were calm and kept the volume down. Apparently, one of them accidentally pulled the game console loose from it's plug and was trying to plug it back in. My husband freaked out, screamed at them to be quiet and called them a couple of idiots. My oldest worked frantically to fix it while my youngest sat curled up on the floor crying. I had to jump in and handle the situation. My kids are good kids, but they both have ADHD and are very very hyper. Most of the time, I have them outside playing to burn off energy, but they really wanted to sit and play a game for a little while. It shouldn't have been a big deal. He finally got up and went outside to do some chores. Now he's inside and mad again about one thing or another.

Yes, I love him. I also love my kids. I want us to be a family and leaving would be my last option. But without any give on his end...I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I hate that I have to protect my kids from their own father.

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[110]
Sep 19

Sounds like you are taking a lot of steps to work at your marriage and really are under a lot of stress. Unfortunately my personal experience tells me men seems to be fine without much friendships but they really need it. My husband was the same way. We have been married almost 22 years and for the first 15 years we struggled. He was very much like the husband and that is why to this day I have grown kids that tend to be closer to me. I prayed and prayed for many years and it was not until the last few years that I saw change in him. Looking back at it I am so glad I did not just give up. It would have been a disaster for my family. I wonder if you can invite couples to come over instead of asking him to be with only guy friends. Perhaps some men within those couple groups will want to reach out? I know when my husband was going through some things a man in church after talking to him agreed to mentor him, and that saved our marriage.

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