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I am feeling horrible. I have a lot of issues stemming from

I am feeling horrible. I have a lot of issues stemming from experiences that occurred in a school. I am currently in online school and I am still struggling immensely. I’m failing pretty much all my classes, I can’t work where I feel safe and comfortable, and I have tried asking my guardian directly to take me to a professional for help and her excuse was “I don’t think you’d corporate” because I refused to speak with a school counselor. Someone in the environment that caused my issues. Sometimes when I get yelled at, scolded, or simply get called on I lose my ability to speak and I have told this to my guardian. She said it was just social anxiety. Something I am well aware of having and something I have had for years before I started having problems speaking with school staff. I truly do not believe that my loss of speech at certain times is just social anxiety. Her unwillingness to listen to me and my inability to stand up for myself have caused me to start feeling depressed.

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NevaMae99's picture
[3740]
Dec 2

Wow, I'm so sorry that you don't have support from your guardian to find the help that you need. I'm also glad that you reached out here because you will find some support. I am no longer in school, but I can relate to the social anxiety of speaking. It wasn't just shyness. I know shy children now and I was more severe. I remember in the 2nd grade I was afraid of my teacher and never said one word to her. My parents were called for conferences several times because the school thought there must be something wrong with me. I remember the teacher chasing this boy named Adam around the classroom for writing a bad work on the board. I'm sure there was more that made me afraid of her, but that's the one thing I remember. It wasn't just in 2nd grade, though. It got better as I got a little older but I still had some social anxiety.

So I can understand the social anxiety part. However, if you've also had some experiences in the school as well, there could also be some type of post traumatic stress happening. I'm not a doctor so I couldn't say. But things that happen to us can cause reactions like that. It's like a fight or flight response that you can't always control. You said you were still struggling after not being at the school. Are the struggles related to what happened to you there?

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FoxFox's picture
[50]
Dec 2

@NevaMae99 they are. It’s difficult to work on anything related to school. Especially when I can’t see the entrances to the room I’m in. Where my desk is now I don’t feel comfortable or particularly safe. It’s just this spot where I feel like someone’s looking over my shoulder constantly. This feeling causes a strange amount of fear and panic and I’m not entirely sure why. I just know it has something to do with my time at the school I used to go to. A lot of my memory from that school is blurred or virtually non existent.

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NevaMae99's picture
[3740]
Dec 2

@FoxFox Do you have a reason to feel unsafe at home as well? Are you able to move your desk to a place where you feel more comfortable?

I do think talking to a trained therapist would be really beneficial for you and what you've been through. Here's a number you can call to talk to someone over the phone - 855-382-5433. They may have some more ideas for you to help your guardian open up to the idea of allowing you to go. If the concern is financial, sometimes you can even find someone who will give you a free consultation or a sliding payment scale.

I am praying for you that somehow you would find a way to find someone to talk to about your experience and work towards healing.

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