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Hello everyone. I would like to share something and ask for

Ellora's picture
[4130]

Hello everyone. I would like to share something and ask for your opinion on this. I was about 12 when I started getting comments about my physical appearance from my friends and my classmates plus other students from different classes. They would comment on my lips and my complexion. I am tanned but at my place it is a fetish to be of fairer complexion. My friends were fair and were fairly good looking according to themselves and used to say how no one good likes me because I am not beautiful. The guy I liked also rejected me for the reason that I was not good looking according to his standards . His friends would also mock me. My friends would slap me or humiliate me often in the name of fun. I didn't realize they were bulling me until some time before. I had been accustomed so much to their talks that I have started believing that I am not good enough. I avoid clicking photos because they remind me of the incident and how I was talked about. I thought they were my friends and in all honesty I tried to fit myself in the circle by trying anything which would enhance my experience. After almost 3 years of leaving school I still am not able to make myself confident about my looks. I am reminded of that bullying everyday and I can't forget it. It has become a part of psyche unconsciously because I feel that I am not good physically. I already suffer from depression and anxiety for 3 years and this new situation is a whole lot of problem for me. It's sometimes so hard to make myself sane to face the world.

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[395]
Jan 12

@Blueberries1234 how do you expect me to take the whole society aside or have one on one talk with them? If i try I'm just called insecure and laughed at...the make joke of the exact thing am opposing or just cover everything with "it isn't meant that way" ? My body is the most common joke on man, my body is used as an insult for making men feel ashame if they do something wrong.

I could get rid of people around me or if someone is being a##hole to me... How am I supposed to change the entire society? Well it doesn't cover it completely but yeah i guess this post of mine kinda sums it up (Warning: NSFW)

https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/ebkamz/im_sorry_but_what_am_i_supposed_to_do/

Meh seems like links aren't allowed, you'll have to copy

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Ellora's picture
[4130]
Jan 14

I don't even know what to call it in the first place. They would say things to me ,the whole class will join with them and I would be left alone. They say that I look this, boys won't like girls like me cause I am that and blah blah. Then when I try to stop them it will be like grow up , we were just teasing , you don't need to be so worked up and don't be so sensitive. How can they expect me to be okay after saying so much **** about me and making me lose my confidence so much. I know it's my fault too. I should have been brave and all that but I was 12 I didn't know what was going on. The stupid things I did in order to let them accept me were utter ****. The whole trauma is about this. I don't know if it's bullying or not but it had a huge impact to the point that I hate taking my photos. Bullying here is mostly verbal and not physical. Kids say things about others and make it look like it's a joke. It's almost invisible so professors are not really into looking except for when you have low grades. That's when they will unleash themselves. So yeah.

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mmadwaite's picture
[35625]
Jan 14

Ellora Of course it is bullying. I was bullied at that age and it went on for a few years until I got into high school. For some reason I never let it affect me long term even though my home life was horrible too. It's easy to find bullies in a group of young people. Peer pressure makes them all stick together. As you get older, your life will change and you will be in a position to have better control. Don't hang with people or guys that don't respect you. Try to think long term like the effect of getting good grades and how you can have some accomplishments in your life. Focus on your likes and style, finding enjoyable hobbies, and how you can be successful. It shows by your posts that you are smart and articulate and a beautiful girl. There is nothing wrong with you the way you are.

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