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Good morning everyone. I cannot believe how horrible I feel

goodboy's picture
[3975]

Good morning everyone. I cannot believe how horrible I feel. I feel so alone it hurts. No one understands the pain anxiety and depression causes. I go to weekly therapy and I still feel anxious, depressed and alone. I'm 49 years old and have no real friends. I'm the youngest of 5 children and I have no family to talk to. I have a girlfriend that is happy with her life, so I cannot talk to her because a happy person won't stay with a loser like me. She knows I suffer from anxiety and depression but she cannot understand how bad it feels. I have suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life but the last 6 years since my divorce have been a living hell. I can't be a good father to my kids because I cannot think of anything else but my pain. I come back to this forum now and then just to say what I feel without fear of alienating anyone. I am desperately seeking some relief but cannot find it. I see a psychiatrist and got meds, pain is still there. I start weekly therapy, pain is still there. I see a hypnotherapist, pain is still there.
I see an accupuncturist, pain is still there. I go on trips with gf and kids, pain is still there.
I enrolled in school, pain still there. I pray for God's mercy, pain is still there. I tried buying a new car, but the pain is still there. I write what I feel on this site, pain is still there. I have lost hope of ever feeling normal. Sorry for the rant. Time to go hide in my room and cry so my children don't see me.

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goodboy's picture
[3975]
May 26

@NorthOwl thank you for your kind words.

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newcomer94's picture
[9880]
May 26

@goodboy Absolutely.

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newcomer94's picture
[9880]
May 26

Sorry, I thought my comment would post right under your question about hormonal imbalance. It can definitely contribute. I agree with someone above you applauded you for not giving up. You are a very driven individual it seems, and that gives me hope for you. You could just let it ride out or look for options and you are looking at your options. There is no doubt that you want to get better. If that combination of medications isn't working, I'd try looking for a different combination, meaning your psychiatrist. That's his or her job after all. As far as therapy, again, if it's not working for you then look for someone else. Sometimes it takes several attempts to find the right combination of both a team of people and medication. It took me 6 doctors and a bunch of meds before I found the right kind of therapy for me. I wish you the very best, and please let us know whenever you need to connect.

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