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Recently more and more people tell me I seem to be self cent

monami's picture

Recently more and more people tell me I seem to be self centered and I do not care about others. I did some digging, and thinking, and I am trying to understand what is wrong with me that I give this impression. Why this impression happens I already understood. But I want to know the root cause. Maybe someone here has some idea?

- I do not ask friends concrete questions about them in conversations, because I am not interested in details about their lives; I enjoy their company and I can "feel" their mood, and based on this I assume I "know" how they are
- when people ask me details about my life I find it annoying; for example "what places you saw on your vacation" I consider one of the most annoying questions; I would not mind be asked if I feel rested after my vacation, or if it was more nature or ore city, or what was the temperature, or if I swam; but what I did I find really tedious to answer; and by "I would not mind" I do not mean I would enjoy it, I mean that I would not mind..
- I usually don't know what to talk about when I meet someone, even a friend, so I either stay silent or speak about myself; the latter is an advice that someone gave me when I was 8 years old and since then I do it habitually; apparently it sends a wrong message however
- Even though I do it a lot, I do not feel any pleasure from talking about myself; so most often I end up answering other people's questions or talking only about my problems that I can no longer keep inside (which are more than an average person, since I try to keep them in and they pile up)
- I do not checkup regularly how my friends are, I think about them, but I feel asking them would be to interrupting and imposing; when I finally ask "how are you?" they dismiss the question, maybe as a courtesy question
- I have issues recognizing faces, even of my friends, so people think I am rude or arrogant and they think I pretend I don't know them; sometimes if I don't see someone for a few months I do not remember their name; I once started talking to a guy that I thought was a common friend of mine and another girl I was with, and he seemed to have the same issue, till my girl friend asked to go, and asked who the hell was that guy
- I have issues remembering facts, so I do not remember what is up with whom at the moment, and each time I meet my friends they have to tell me the same things about what they are doing at the moment, as each time it looks like I didn't listen before
- it happened few times I was telling someone about an awesome trip I did a few months back with a friend and that person telling me with a stone face "I was THAT friend"; one of those people cut contact with me afterwards
- I also have trouble remembering facts from my own life, so if someone asked me what I did a year ago, two years ago, when did I finish uni, I would need a couple of minutes to search my gmail and other social media, to try to figure out my own life story

All this must indeed give an awful impression of me, I see. And now I could try to work around those issues, and maybe write down information about each person, and make it a habit to ask people questions, but before I try to work around "it", I want to know - what is it? Is it CPTSD, is it that I am indeed selfish, is it egocentrism, is it emotional immaturity, is it some mental disability/underdevelopment, or recently I wonder also about Asperger's.. I was like this since I remember, which is maybe 5 years old, and since then I remember people reacting to it, just in different ways depending on my age. But at my current age the reactions worry me. I do want to have good relations with people and I do not want that people I care about don't feel I do. I don't want anymore a situation when a good friend will not tell me about their problem because they thought I do not care, because I have not been asking what they had for breakfast.

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monikar [3645]
Feb 18

@monami I used to get into huge fights with my wife because i thought she wasn't listening to me or always lying. I couldn't believe her when she would say she didn't remember the conversation we had just had. Once I learned a little more about disassociation I started to see the signs. A lot of times in a difficult conversation we could only talk for a few minutes before we had to stop and pick it up again a few days later, she would just go blank and agree with everything. Even normal basic conversations would make her zone out. It was as if her hyper vigilance saw threats everywhere and as soon as she was threatened her defence mechanism of zoning out would kick in. I wonder if she has trouble remembering faces? I should ask her.

monami's picture
Feb 19

@monikar Wow, I also have this problem that when I want to get my point across to someone, I meet them, and suddenly we are saying bye and I realised I agreed to everything they said, and said nothing of my own stuff! I never thought it may be dissociation! This is so tricky because you don't realise it is happening.. do you know the visual eye experiment, when there is a dot on paper and you look in the right place the dot disappears? It is like this.. but you are not aware that there was a dot before. This got me into some big troubles at work.


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