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911 I'm alone Which means all by myself. With no one.

911

I'm alone
Which means all by myself.
With no one.

My sister has to sleep for work.
My f*cking mother can't talk because she's watching a show!
What the actual f*ck?

Neither cat is eating. Like for days.
I am so super-duper over the top worried.
They're pretty much all I have.

I've lost 20 pounds.
I am shaking, trembling, jitterbugging.
My tourettes.
"They" want me to take less medication.
Except "they" want my extras.. Piece of sh*t f*ckers!

My brain is going 1 million billion trillion Elon Musk's car orbiting Mars times infinity hypercube squared!
I am all alone.
I cannot express the insurmountable emotional and physical symptoms.
And the betrayl of my family. It's on frickin' Netflix. PAUSE IT

I'm trying to "schedule" a convenient time to go to the hospital.
I'm pretty much the backbone.

I have Botox on 22, Foot Dr. and mental health lady in on 23, hospital testing and my gynecologist on 24.
Then I get to literally count the seconds until the 30th therapy appointment.(I've skipped the last four!)

There is nothing there is nothing there is nothing there is nothing there is nothing!!!!!!!!
Every light in the apartment is on, but I am consumed by a black hole.

I just want to pack up my kitties and run away, but I have nowhere to go to and no survival skills.
I'm ready to rip my hair out. (That'll be great, I'm already going bald!)

Nothing.no one. alone.
old.alone.done.for

I need help! But they'd rather watch tv!
Nothing can distract me.
Nothing can occupy me.
I messaged J. He didn't respond..
I need to walk. I need to run. I need to sit in the dark with my head in my hands and attempt to breathe.
(I'm afraid of the dark.)

I miss D.
He always left too.
He would tell me to shut up.
There is no "off button"

I was on ALL the drugs and everyone was pissed because I was unintelligible.
Now, I'm accused of using-I mean abusing. drugs that I don't even have!!!

Wake up. Stop taking so many medications. We're doing an intervention. You have a problem.
Stop fidgeting. Sit still. Don't chew on your lip. Stop pulling your hair. What's wrong with your face?

"If you are lost you can look and you will find me." -Youtube.
No one I know. Youtube.
There is nothing.
Over and over and over this week..
Every night I go to the suicide chat,
There are 65 people ahead of you..
Next: There are 51 people ahead of you..
And now: There are 41 people ahead of you.

If you can't get through, how are you supposed to be "talked down" from suicidal thoughts?
I'll just go back to my corner and silently destroy myself..
Thanks.

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Comment
 2
norseduncan's picture
[205045]
Apr 14

on another of my boards, I mentioned when you included this in another post, talk to us here. you know it can be a bit for responses. nature of sg. but here you are first in line. and we care about you.

Reply
[430]
Apr 14

You are more important and valuable and worth fighting for than you can imagine right now.

Reply

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