I don't know if anyone is going to take the time to read thi

I don't know if anyone is going to take the time to read this because it will probably be long and that's okay, because I need to get this out. My entire childhood/teen years I was abused and passed around from house to house and I turned to bad influences and drugs/alcohol. I attempted suicide 3 times, one was almost successful I was in the ICU for 2 weeks. All because my step father molested me and my mom choose not to believe me. So there's that. Now during all that mess I was a lot of other medical issues going on, yet my family always said it was for attention and I was dramatic nothing's wrong with me. Now I'm going to jump forward to now, just being diagnosed with a rare connective tissue disorder on top of my mental illnesses. (BPD anxiety and bipolar II.) Now here's a little back ground, my fiancé and I met when I was 14, we moved in together the day I turned 18 and legally could. I had my son at 19, and my daughter at 22. I am now 23 and just diagnosed with Elhers Danlos Syndrome type III. We found this out because it is provoked and significantly worsened with pregnancy. 2 pregnancies later and I am legally disabled and can barely function with chronic pain, dislocations of multiple joints multiple times a day and so much more. Possible big risky sugeries in the near future. We now had to move in with family for help with the kids. (Luckily we are separated because my fiancés parents will be in the in law apartment) Basically my whole point here is I feel like I'm drowning. 4 years ago I was a normal healthy (yes mentally ill) young adult... And now, holding my daughter for more then a few minutes causes my arm to hurt and not function for up to 2 days. So not only am I trying to manage my mental stability, but I'm trying to manage my health that's crashing. I'm trying to tell myself a year from now hopefully I'll be on the right medication combo (anti psychotics) and my specialists will have me on a treatment plan... I hope... Thanks for reading if you did. I just couldn't keep it inside any longer. I'm trying to accept this new life with an open mind and heart but it's so hard when my mind is telling me give up. Sorry for all the back and forth and babbling, it probably didn't make much sense.

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You've truly been given many challenges and then some. I am super impressed with how cohesive you DO sound! The other thing that comes across is how well you have looked after your needs. Telling someone about the abuse, getting out when you could, getting help for the mental struggles, being strong enough to have and CARE FOR your children, getting help now that you need it... following your physical health to try to improve it... coming here... WOW. You are strong! From everything I know about you just from what you've written... you've got this covered. It isn't easy now, it may not be easy in the future BUT you are a problem solver and an overcomer. So glad you are opening up about this because keeping it all inside to be strong for your family or whatever is probably your biggest risk for falling. Hoping your days have blessings <3

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castlesintheair's picture
[410]
Feb 18

Wow that's a lot to cope with. I can't even imagine how that must feel, just dealing with BPD on its own is difficult. I think it's amazing that you're here and still fighting. <3

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Savannah Rose's picture
[27885]
Feb 18

Mysterious
Hang in there. I'm not the pushy religious type, but when all else fails why not pray and pour your heart out to God-it couldn't hurt and maybe cathartic for you. You are stronger than you think. I like to turn to the : Serenity Prayer when i need a good reminder that we can only do so much and we all need to lean on each other or someone once in awhile. I pray you find that doctor who can help you. Have you tried a rheumatologist? I suggest as they study why your immune system is so "hyper" or inflammed causing swelling around your joints hence pressing on nerves and lots of pain. There are lots of medications that treat that sort of problem and hopefully reduce the need for narcotics. Tens units, and physical therapy are things i imagine you have already tried. Good luck, and here's hoping your young life will become enjoyable again!

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