I have been feeling really anxious about my weight recently

I have been feeling really anxious about my weight recently and wondering if I have an ED. I am currently on a weight gain journey because my doctor diagnosed me with currently being an uhealthy weight and bmi for my height in May 2020. I tried off and on to follow peoples youtube advice and it did not work due to feeling stressed out or depressed so by December I relapsed into my old unhealthy eating habits. After a few days of doing so I figured I cant continue to do these things to my body and I booked an apointment and went to a dietitican in late December and she gave me a meal plan on the 21st to follow.
The first week I tried it and I was excited at first however it faded away as I found it difficult to eat each meal on time and I put so much pressure on myself to eat and meal prep on time that I didnt even want to do it anymore. I had an anxiety attack because of those feelings and tried to ease myself into taking things slowly this week. This week it felt like I didnt care and due to the pandemic it heightened stress and I was scared about the circumstances in my country . Because of all that happened I feel like I failed myself and I dont know what to do.
I feel so down about it today because I really want to gain weight yet I feel so scared to do so because its a huge change for me and I dont know if i would feel comfortable about gaining.
In the past when i did gain weight and it was noticeable i would be really anxious about it and I wanted it to go away because i thought i was fat when I wasnt. I was also raised by a narc mom that often shamed me about my body and got angry if i did want to gain weight and I would feel insecure about my body. She influenced how I saw my body as I grew up.
I examined how I felt currently and past actions towards my weight I realised it was unhealthy and I really should tell someone about it. I see my dietitian on the 22nd and I think I should tell them about these feelings.

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Justwanttobeloved's picture
(13820)
Jan 13

@healing_princess2 As I mentioned above, therapy is best. I speak from experience. The only other thing that I can think of, is when a negative thought enters, replace it with a positive one.

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healing_princess22's picture

@Justwanttobeloved Thank you so much for your advice. It will help me on my journey.

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Justwanttobeloved's picture
(13820)
Jan 14

@healing_princess22 So, I found an article about flipping negative thoughts into positive ones.
https://www.wellandgood.com/thought-flipping/

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