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I am anorexic. I am bulimic. I have times when I don’t e

I am anorexic. I am bulimic.
I have times when I don’t eat anything.
Other times, I eat everything in sight.

Every time I eat too much, guilt takes control of me.
Strong enough to starve myself.
And the restriction begins.

Right after the restrict comes the urge.
The urge to eat.

And I can’t control myself anymore.
I lose track of what I eat.
My body says no, but my mind says more.

Guilt, restrict, urge, binge, guilt, restrict, urge, binge.

The never ending cycle.

People compliment my physique.
But they don’t know that it’s a curse.
All I want is to be liberated.
From this mind that tortures its own flesh.

With strength and with courage I will escape this curse.

I just had another binge.
And I am tired.
Tired of compensating for my imperfections.

Yes I had a binge.
But I am human.
I am imperfect.

No more guilt.
No more compensations.
No more restrictions.

I am An Kitamura.
And I am more than what people see.
I have dreams. I have aspirations.
I have strengths.

It will be a long journey.
It won’t be easy.
For every step I go forward, there is a possibility of stepping back.
But at least I know.
I am headed in the right direction.

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[520]
Dec 6

You're amazing! And most importantly...you are ENOUGH!!!

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[75]
Dec 6

@1beatles thank u :)

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[23445]
Dec 17

Here it is,,,"Guilt", and it's written 1st. "Guilt, restrict, urge, binge, guilt, restrict, urge, binge. The never ending cycle". It's GUILT (in this one). GUILT is the driving "emotion" that is connected to the emotional "pain" that has to be cried out in order for the cycle of Guilt, restrict, urge, binge, guilt, restrict, urge, binge to "end". Whatever the things r the person feels guilty about, blames their self for, is the "bitter root" of the Anorexia even igsisting in their body and mind. Find the guilts, and cry out all the emotional pain from all the guilts, and there will be no guilt there to lead to restrict, urge, binge. Resulting in, the never ending cycle becomes broken and chains off. And it can take a long time. And I'm sure most of the guilt was never even ur's to carry to begin with.

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