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Wake up call. My wife just informed me that my 8yr old daug

ThisIsAdam's picture

Wake up call.
My wife just informed me that my 8yr old daughter didn't want to hang out with me while I made errands to the hardware store and others for a few jobs i'm doing around the house. said my daughter picked up on my annoyance and irritability today. figured I was the angry daddy today and didn't want to come with me for fear of being yelled at or me getting upset with her. i'm struggling here... this is not who I want to be. i'm looking for help to best treat, medicate, cope, and handle the fact i'm an emotional bully to my family. i'm so easily irritated and annoyed, I feel angry most all the time and i'm in denial about it. I read an article earlier tonight on depression and found the comment section had provided more help than the article. I don't know where to begin, any assistance or direction would be helpful. I believe I suffer from PTSD but don't want to admit it. served 9 years with 4 tours of combat as a scout in the army. i'm proud of my service and the type of man I became in combat. it was the most hazardous, adventurous, and scary time in my life and it ended in 2011. nothing else will compare. ,

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Blueberries1234's picture
Nov 7

It's PTSD. Theres different kinds of PTSD, I have complex ptsd from abandpnment issues and covert narcissistic & psychopathic parent. The underlying mechanism is stress, aka anxiety aka FEAR. Fear comes from your body before your brain can even process it. Like when you touch a hot stove you flinch. Well if that happens over and over, youll flinch when you come across triggers of the stove over time (example). Your body learns to be on high alert all the time. It's just survival, there isnt antthing wrong with you. Just like your body and brain learned to be afraid of certain triggers or hypersensitive (e.g. sensitivity to sounds and smells that can remind you of thw painful memory), you can UNLEARN these associations. Be kind to yourself. I use to have a lot of anger as a kid, even now, because I felt voiceless. I didnt know hpw to talk about my feelings or really even label them. Everything was anger. In reality, what looked like anger was often helplessness, fear, anxiety, loneliness, suppressed, SHAME, a lack of control... embarrassment, feeling like np one understands, feeling tired of explaining myself. I had to learn to see my own emotions. To unpack my body and stop ignoring what was happening inside, because survival was more important than how I felt. You are SAFE now. To have empathy, one must be willing to feel one's own emotions.

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Nov 7

@ThisIsAdam Great! see that. I wished others did.

emmystrouble's picture
Nov 7

Trigger warning...idk if this too much info will help with a back a child this is how dads anger was like. My dad had rage outbursts. And I have struggled with it myself. Both parents never used alcohol or drugs...they had their outbursts sober. Dad was 6'6 and was muscular. He would punch a hole in the wall...and walk out the door saying he wished we were never born...wished he never got married...said his life would be great without us kids in it. Hed say it every fight they had. I've talked about this stuff before on sg. Momma tried to kill us kids and herself twice. It would hurt when dad whipped us when he was mad. Hes really strong and we were lil. Hed come back 3 days later. They had fights like that all the time. Social services came out sometimes...but they wouldn't take us with them. One house was so infested with roaches..wake up with roaches crawling on me. That roach house was age 5 to 9. The upstairs lights didnt work. It was always dark. After becoming a parent...yeah that's why taught myself to walk out of the room when I felt the anger taking over. I didnt want to be like my dad when he was angry or like momma when she was sad. They are different now. Us kids would see him come home and drop what we were doing and race home to see him. Climb on him like a jungle gym. Happy to see him. Sometimes hed go out of town for work and be gone for a week...leave momma $10 to get us thru til he got back. It was a cycle. I think doing activities that a kid is interested in...helps with trust. Not hitting helps with trust too Like my ears bleed listening to Mickey mouse clubhouse on repeat all day long...but my kid liked it back in the day. And she was happy sharing what she likes. She does not like shopping at all...or running errands. I remember the last time dad hit me...21. I'm 38 now.. and he tried really hard in life. I dont feel the fear that other women get when a man is angry tho bc my dad was a muscular 6'6 and had anger issues. It was a long time before I felt comfortable sleeping in a house with gas tho. My first apartment had a gas water heater and I'd ocd check the pilot light all the time. I'm rambling now. But motivation for me to break those toxic anger patterns...I dont want my girl to look for the cycle when she forms relationships. I didnt want her to look for a man to treat her like the ex treated me..or like how dad treated momma. They stayed together since 1977. It's why I dont recommend staying for the kids. Relationships are complicated. I'm saying that there is hope to have a relationship with your girl. The military teaches yall ways to calm your s*** to get a job done. Maybe those skills can be modified to adjust to watching cartoons for a bit...or a car ride. Yall can be quiet for days waiting...those snipers no one can even see them...and be all drill Sargent loud in a blink. I'd actually like to learn tips from yall

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