TW!! I experienced a family crisis today. So? I drank to

TW!!

I experienced a family crisis today. So? I drank to cope. I'm currently sipping now as I type. It feels so **** good.
However, I know tomorrow I will wake up in a puddle of guilt. Perhaps after I finish this I'll create a coping plan to survive the next day.
Tomorrow marks a new day of my sobriety. Though I am not in that state now, I wish to continue the journey. It's been so difficult with all the trauma and continuous crises that press their ways into my daily life. I know I'm capable of great things, I just need to start holding myself more accountable.
It's been a journey of just over seven weeks sober. And I blew it. But, right now, in this moment, I don't care. I feel like I did what I had to do to not break down, though I know that notion is wrong and I need to find a better way to cope in the future.
I didn't tell my friends that I drank. I confided in a couple and they all said to steer away. Obviously, that's what I'm trying to do, but they don't understand the urge that overcomes me. I know they only have the best of intentions, and that's why I can't tell them to avoid disappointment.
What a combination of problems.

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dark-angel's picture
(115)
Apr 30

I know exactly how you feel, the guilt is overwhelming - but all that usually does is drive us straight back to the bottle and we feel we have to lie to our close ones about it because of the shame. At least here you can talk about it without judgement - we're all here because we're all in the same boat and can understand each other's pain. I'm sorry to hear about your family crisis, but one day at a time. Give yourself some time to fall apart, it's OK not to be OK and hit the bottle again for comfort - don't feel bad about that. I'm sure you'll pick yourself back up, dust off, and try again when you're ready to do so :-)

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Thank you, that's very reassuring and the support means a lot! :)

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