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So, when my husband & I met, we were both drinkers. I stoppe

So, when my husband & I met, we were both drinkers. I stopped drinking six months ago. My husband is a functional drunk/alcoholic. It didn't bother me that he drank until I quit. I don't want this to split us but it really bothers me. We have talked abt it & he has cut back (he doesn't start drinking as early in the day anymore) but I don't know what else to do. Am I just being hypersensitive since I quit drinking. Why can't I just let this go?

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thalassa's picture
Jan 12, 2018

Good for you for quitting alcohol! I, too, quit drinking, though my partner still drinks. From time to time, it does bother me that he still drinks, even though he is functional, rarely gets drunk, is not mean, etc. The reason it bothers me is because through my quitting alcohol, I've seen a world of good come about. My thinking is clearer, I'm more rational and less emotional, I'm healthier, and overall I'm working toward being the best person I can be. By him not quitting as well, it almost seems like he doesn't want to be the best person he can be. I know this is not true in my case though, but I can't help but wonder why he still drinks almost daily when a clearer, more focused, kinder world sits on the other side.
However, when I step back and objectively look at the situation, I see that he doesn't have the same problems with alcohol as I have, and we really are two different people.
If you feel like your problem with him drinking could possibly split you two up, then maybe you could get a pen and paper, and write about it (for yourself) until you're able to find a conclusion as to why you feel so strongly about this. You may feel uncertain right now why you can't let it go, but know that your ambivalence has a justified reason, and it's your job to find that reason. Once you uncover the real reason why you want him to quit, definitely talk to him about it when you both are sober and calm. From there, you'll have a pretty good idea about what you ought to do in the relationship.
Again congratulations on quitting, and stay patient until you can figure things out :)

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Jan 12, 2018

@Hils123 I go to another room too. I don't know, maybe because I have had drinking issues in the past, I don't want him to do it anymore either? Some people can handle alcohol better than others I guess. We have had the same conversation about me not wanting to spend time with him. I just wish he would quit. I'm not scared I'm going to relapse, it doesn't tempt me at all. I guess I am thankful for that.

Jan 12, 2018

@thalassa Writing to yourself until you find a conclusion sounds helpful. I'll have to give it a try.


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