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Quit March 2018. Blacked out after a funeral in December 201

kerst1's picture
[1785]

Quit March 2018. Blacked out after a funeral in December 2019. Sober since. Don’t feel so good about it. It’s what I should’ve been doing, staying sober. So I don’t think it is such a wonderful thing. Sobriety is what I should have been doing all along. Meds for bipolar help with the cravings. But not the feelings of shame and embarrassment..

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[465]
Jan 15

@Justwanttobeloved Really like the comment you just made. Soo true you/we are the only ones who hear messages from the enemy.

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kerst1's picture
[1785]
Jan 16

Sirgrits-Thankyou for your words and concern. My entire life I have always wondered “Who would want to like me and why? Why would anyone care. I still do not understand why my family, my wife or my adult children would want to be around me”. When my friend passed, I was beginning to understand our friendship. I felt lost. So I got hammered and made a fool of myself after promising that I would not. I feel that I am not good enough for anyone or anything. Why should I bother? I really have given up on more than 1 occasion. But I think my kids- they are in their 30s-May need me to help with a few more things. But, money wise, I would be worth more to them if I were gone. By the end of most days, and most do not get over soon enough, I just want to get away from it all.

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[5130]
Jan 16

Kerst, I think you know this deep down; but I'll say it "outloud" here anyways. One moment of weakness, a fairly understandable moment at that, doesn't invalidate the good and the love that you've brought into your family's life.
My kids aren't through high school yet, but I've never added up to the father they deserve. Being their father has taught me how to regret. But every once in a while, the clouds part and I can just see, just see that they love me. I may let them down, but it's really only proportional to how much they love me and need me. I suspect you can relate.
As a Christian, I know that you matter to more than just your family. It's simply another lie that you don't. My Creator reorganized the entire cosmos, flipping the rules of life and death on their ear on your behalf. Just because that feels miles away from where you're at doesn't make it any less true. Prayers bro.

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