IS FUN OVER AFTER RECOVERY? (A message of hope) I definite

IS FUN OVER AFTER RECOVERY? (A message of hope) I definitely empathize with people who might say that life is just simply not exciting enough anymore when they overcome an addiction, because sure, it can get a little boring when you first start out. I am a recovering alcoholic, 5 years sober. I used to be an artist, so I expected a lot out of life. And I think I am slowly figuring out how to live a second life!
I was born as a person thirsty for life. I would wake up with the sun, so excited for a new day! (Do you guys remember that feeling?) But when the world disappoints you, or doesn’t appreciate what you have to offer, or doesn’t accept you, you start to see things in a different way, a way you can’t handle. You start to realize that there is no beautiful utopian world around the corner just waiting for someone as special as you, that life is drab, it’s difficult, painful, and unfair. With no fairy-godmother to save me, no bright future, no sense of myself, a failure at life, I ran. I drank. At least for a few concentrated hours I could pretend I was part of a world I belonged in. But the cost of those “escapes” are high and often life-long.
I drank because I was looking for beauty even when I became blind to its existence all around me. I wished someone would recognize the beauty in me. When no one did, I became ugly.
When I quit, I was very surprised that life is not boring at all! Happiness and beauty doesn’t come in concentrated form anymore, it gets spread over every day of your lifetime. At first you miss the highs, you would like to escape every now and then, and when you can’t you build strength. Eventually you find highs in life, like hiking or painting or raising children, etc, and eventually, you don’t even need a high, because there is no terrible low to balance out. No, life is not rock-and-roll, it’s not a fairytale, but you will find that those escapist fantasies and dreams lose power over you as you and find things that define you in the real world. You won’t need to escape as much, because you will receive enough joy from all the little things that you never learned to appreciate…you will discover talents you never knew you had, and you will feel new and clean, and you will have such a rich inner life that you will be a rock star! Very few people get to re-do their lives and learn from their mistakes, so we do have an advantage that not many people get a chance to experience. Movies are made about this theme all the time!

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[285]
Dec 5

My physical addiction is not as bad, and I do find ways of bending the rules here and there that have no potential for addiction. food was one, I would binge at night, and I hated that. Greens are not exciting but at least take the edge off. Gabapentin and valium and very good fail-safe measures, they are great meds for recovering addicts. Valium has no recreational value and neither does gabapentin. but gabapentin makes you want to get up and live. that's all. I have tried Xanax and it was a disaster - it activated the same receptors as drinking and I became my old self again, I reverted to my primordial form, full of doubts and insane suspicions of others. I would go on shopping sprees to the vitamin shoppe, for example, and then not remember. and it felt just like drinking, and I felt just as troubled. so this was good, because it showed me there is no recovery - you do not get to start over when you take a break from drinking - you have rewired your brain permanently, and you will be a mess as you were before you quit if you start again....i'll be around, let's talk, Ive never talked to recovering addicts - I did it on my own, but it would be nice to share our questions and perhaps figure a few things out...

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[285]
Dec 5

@Jdavis5933 Now I feel like I must continue this conversation – because I have been there and I know it’s possible, even if everyone is little different. And sweetie, in the first year you are in shell-shock! I remember opening my closet and finding a sequin dress and falling to pieces, crying over how I will never live again; I felt like my youth was over… and I was so socially inept I didn’t leave the house for the first year. But after a year you start challenging yourself to do the things you were afraid of, and you’d be surprised how quickly you brain adapts and grows. There’s a part of your that hasn’t been damaged – its been silently watching you, taking notes, and has been waiting for years to take over
For me just the sunlight, a walkman, and a beautiful meadow is enough to make me want to be alive, allows me to experience the euphoria of what it means to be alive, alone, just me and the unknown…I’m not saying its easy to find peace, but its there if you want it. I am sure there is something for you in this world as well. You must believe that, deep down, or you wouldn’t have lasted for so long. Just remember that each year will be so much exponentially better, you will be marveling at all the things you are accomplishing that you never before thought you could, and the first few years after you quit just might be the best of your life.
Like I said, my problem goes a little easier on me. But please keep in touch. You did the impossible already – the hardest part, the part that 90% of people never do. Now its just dealing with the pain and making it to that finish line. Please keep in touch – I hope to see you doing better.

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[13360]
Dec 5

@Evie-Easton Thanks for sharing. That is awesome to read.!

I got sober one time over a decade ago for three and a half years. It was the one time that I felt like I was really living a normal life and growing and progressing. So I was hoping that would happen again.

I'm feeling good at the 7-month Mark. But I want much more. One thing I want is to get my weight back to normal so that I can get back to all the other things I want. I have to do this first. All I need to do is lose 50 lbs. Lol

I know that I'm doing the right thing by studying and changing my habits the way I am because this is going to be my new life. Not just a quick fix. Because that doesn't work.

I'm really feeling anxious about my weight. And I'm excited to get back to living my best life.

It's amazing to get another chance. I was dying and I started praying harder than I ever did. I prayed for one more chance to live my life the way I was living it before ... when I got sober the first time. I wanted one more chance to do it right.

And God answered my prayer. And it's been a bumpy ride but I do feel good.

Thank you so much for your support and we'll talk again soon. Peace :-)

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