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I need to vent here because I can't to members of my family


I need to vent here because I can't to members of my family as it will turn into a phone chain of gossip..WARNING POST MIGHT BE LONG. You all know I have been struggling lately with stay informed sober, my family does not know.. Anyway I babysit my Gabriel's at least 3 days a week lately I have been staying overnight a few times a month so their parents can have a date night. That in itself has been tiring for me. Well my son & daughter in law asked me today if I would stay overnight at their house with the kids up in there bedroom from 7pm all night while he has a party. He doesn't want the kids around the alcohol. There is no tv in their room but his said "use your IPad. I waited till I left and then texted them telling them no .1) I don't want to be cooped up in a room with 2 kids and I don't want to be hearing a bunch of drunk people hooting and hollering. My daughter in law is now trying to lay a guilt trip on me. But I am firm with my answer being NO. I told them I was shocked and insulted that they asked me. My problem now is I will be going there in the morning and if my son gives me a hard time or brings up my mistakes from when I raised them .( He has tried it before ) I am planning on telling him the conversation is over and then I will leave. This is the same son who refused to let me see my 5 yr old granddaughter from the time she was born until she was 2 1/2. I'm scared but will not let him manipulate me. Thanks for reading if you got this far

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Dec 9

Wow! I like that. No is a complete sentence. This is especially hard to do with family members, especially when you have had past experiences which have been painful.

In the past, I thought by saying "yes" they would not get mad, or would be more appreciative, or love me more. In reality, I was enabling and was codependent. Have you ever read "Codependency, No More"? or "Christian Codependency Workbook"? You might want to check it out.

Basically, I am learning to say "NO" without justifying why, blaming others, gossiping about it, and believing afterwards, "This is good for everyone." Changing family dynamics requires someone taking the first step. You might be that person. Hope this helps and please know there is HOPE!

Dec 10

I know your circumstance passed as I just saw your post....but I am so proud of you for being strong and clear and thinking of your well-being! Self-care is important and you know your boundaries to stay healthy and vibrant. You have offered your son and grandchildren a lot of love and time. You have been a presence to them and you have helped a lot. But certain circumstances will put you in a bad position and it is important that you recognized that so you can keep yourself in a good place. I applaud you for doing the right thing for you when it is very much needed!

Dec 13

@HopeandMoreHope , thank you your words of support. I used to be afraid to say no to them because my son had disowned me years ago. But the more I said yes the more was asked of me. Through therapy I learned that I was codependent and getting resentful. This situation upset me but I used all my power to say no. My daughter in law tried to engage me in a text guilt trip and I just stopped responding. It feels good to not give away my power to take care of my mental health.


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