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I feel scared. I have not drank for a very long time and we

[130]

I feel scared. I have not drank for a very long time and we went on vacation to an all inclusive and I drank many margaritas. It was such a relaxing vacation that I have been secretly drinking since I came home. I don't want to tell my husband because I don't want to upset him or hurt him. He is the most amazing man. I want to get back quickly to the place I was before that trip where I feel grounded and do not even think about drinking. I look at my groups and see I am in alcohol, binge eating, bulimia groups. I also have some anxiety. It seems like I do have an anxiety problem at the root of all this. I am puzzled why I can live such a happy healthy life and not even think about this stuff for long periods of time and then fall off a cliff where I have problems with all three for seemingly no real reason. I have no problems really, I have a great life. I like natural cures. I do not want to be on medication but I don't want to keep lying to myself and my husband and harming myself. I am wondering if St. Johns Wort could help? I have also joined AA online. I just feel scared and like a failure.

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LollyNews's picture
[32870]
May 14

@Malicat just curious . . Do you think maybe your husband knows and just doesn't want to bring it up because of the same reason you don't want to? Maybe he would be happy if you did and support you? Sometimes people close to us know us better than we think.

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[13530]
May 15

I relapsed after being sober a long time but have been sober again for several years now. You have to give it away to keep it as they say in AA. I didn't get hard on myself after I became sober again. The important thing is I am sober now.

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[17750]
May 15

I haven't drank a drop of alcohol in over 27 yrs, and I'm scared to death to think what would happen to me if I drank after many yrs of abstinence ..remembering how I drank at the end, I've learned that when you do pick up that drink after many yrs sober, you pick up as if you've been drinking all those yrs ..that's a scary thought .. for what has taken me a lifetime to rebuild (my life), taking 1 drink of alcohol has the potential to ruin my life in a matter of months or a year ..I try to think the drink through when I get thoughts of drinking ..

Hang in there!

Irish

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