Hi I am attempting to start a new group called AA Drop Outs

meathead66's picture
[1255]

Hi I am attempting to start a new group called AA Drop Outs on meetup.com, the direct link is -
https://www.meetup.com/Lonelyhearts-of-LB-OC/messages/boards/forum/12572272

Here's what I wrote,

New meet up idea called AADO abbreviation for Alcoholics Anonymous Drop Outs!

I personally have been in and out of AA most of my life, I am 50 years old and the first AA meeting I went to I was 18 years old.

Not here to fully bash AA being it does help many people.
I did accomplish different sobriety years, 5.5 years, 2 years, 18 months, 1 year etc..

A lot of good comes with staying sober but the bondage I felt that I can't drink drove me absolutely insane.

Many times I was so miserable & could not explain it and had to grind through it without any relief like a good strong drink or some very good, solid & effective direction to help alleviate this horrific misery I felt at times!
The only thing I seem to hear was call your sponsor, go to a meeting, pray etc. and after 5.5 years of this I said screw this I am drinking so I drank and enjoyed it.

Most of my sobriety consisted of being saturated in AA, went to a meeting every night, had commitments, led meetings, did literature, coffee, secretary, helped clean up, GSR, had panels, started a men's stag, went to Round up every year in Torrance, AA conventions in Palm Springs, San Diego etc. I was involved.
Also had sponsors, worked steps, did the 4th & 5th with 2 different people yet I drank.

My latest attempts a few years ago I did not feel like I belonged there, I just could not connect with anyone. Related to things shared just could not seem to connect with anyone or group, it just was not happening.

The last 5 or so years I have went through absolute hell, unable to get decent employment after countless interviews, tests etc. most of which I did very well on!
I can't explain how many times I walked out of an interview thinking "I got the job" only a week later to get an email saying how wonderful I did but we went with another candidate.

During a good part of this I worked part time making a fraction of what I was making, no benefits just pay crumbs and I hated it.

I was feeling like a complete loser!

I had serious financial struggles as well and how I made it through this is nothing short of miraculous, I think I had help beyond myself & not human help.
I did drink quite a bit during this time but usually in late afternoon/evening after I spent the day taking care of my responsibilities like looking for a job, finances, searching for anything that could help me mentally and help reduce or quit drinking.

In my search for help I was open for just about anything except going back to AA. I even tried church a few times, messages where nice but just no connection.
I even did the prayer turning my life over to Christ, went to the front of the Church for prayer etc. yet nothing seem to happen?

I did hours upon hours over several years of research online while sitting in my misery, it helped take focus off my misery while actually doing something costructive.

Then I began trying different things I found online, found ways to get more nutrition in my body being I ate primarily double cheese burgers from McDonalds also self help web sites, support group sites to vent.

I found different things that have helped tremendously, it helped with depression, anxiety, energy and they work very well for me.

I connected with some Lady in VT on a site called supportgroups.com after I spilled my guts on a post, I put it all out there & this Lady totally got it, she understood unlike anyone I ever met. I did not know her, never even seen a picture of her yet we connected on a level beyond belief.

AA is all about 100% abstinence and I am about if I quit I quit and if I don't then I don't.

I want to see progress, results, life improvement not getting a chip for not drinking.

If you offer me a million dollars to stop drinking for a year, 2 years whatever I can do this I did it for a chip so I certainly would for a million dollars and after the time is up, cheers!

I also did it because I was told it will get better and it really didn't.

I want to not drink because I don't want to not to get a chip and if I drink I don't want to feel like some loser who has to stand up as a new comer because I drank.

What about what I have achieved, the new things I have found that work well & have me doing better and have my desire to drink reduced to possibly eliminated some day.

Key words "desire to drink", I say find a way to make this desire reduced not quitting for a chip or a cake that don't work for me.

Many people don't do the steps or they do them half *** because they are a pain in the ***.
Some work them with no problem however I believe most do not and that is why AA success rate is not super high, that is why many people relapse and many like myself have completely given up.
Many people are not interested in working 12 steps that's just the way it is and this is not necessarily due to "they are incapable of being honest" as the readings say at the beginning of every meeting if I remember right.

The belief in AA is if you don't work the steps you will drink?
People have stayed sober for years without working the steps and some relapse yet on the same token others have worked all the 12 steps & stayed sober as well yet wound up relapsing also so maybe it helps to work them but I certainly do not believe it is the only way to stay sober.

People who think this is the only way to stay sober are probably the same ones who think we are the only living planet in the entire universe.

I think a big reason I drink every night now is I am always alone & I have to deal with several things like getting ready for work the next day, paying bills, making dinner, laundry etc. and it is much better to do when sucking down drinks being I hate doing most of it.
I pretty much have a cut off time, I then eat, shower & go to bed.

I don't deny the fact I do drink a little too much and I am getting tired of it & my primary excuse seems to be loneliness so who knows?

Good healthy role models growing up where not really there100% and the ones drinking seem to be the happiest and when I finally drank I understood this happiness and it has never really ended.
It became a coping tool that I found very early on like 13 years old, caused some trouble throughout my life but always gave me relief.

It also becomes a double edge sword, helps me feel better in the evening but seems to produce anxiety and weirdness the next day, it got pretty bad to the point of barely being able to drive I was getting very freaked out driving.

After finding a few things that have helped quite a bit the driving paranoia has went away and I actually drive a large truck now for work.

Now I am ready to try other approach's and be around others that understand, relate & have also found themselves living in a lonely world that want out.

Who knows maybe we can put together the few little things each of us do that keep us going day to day and combine them for one big solution or we just simply meet up so we don't have to be alone so much anymore and have a couple of drinks.

Alcohol works well to numb this loneliness (at least for me) however it is not human and it is not how I want to be anymore. Continue to drink? Fine! Continue to be alone? No!

I am tired of this and I hope to meet others who get what I am saying!

Again the link is - https://www.meetup.com/Lonelyhearts-of-LB-OC/messages/boards/forum/12572272

Then sign up and go to the discussion area.

Good luck & GB.......
Paul........................

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[215]
Mar 19

Just another day of March Madness sober.

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[10]
Mar 19

@meathead66 Fellowship definitely helps, especially with other people who struggle with alcoholism.

Sorry to hear your struggle, and what you accomplished in AA was no small thing. From what I can tell in my experience in AA so far is that groups differ in just as much as churches do. I'm not a church person myself, largely agnostic myself, and my first 4 AA groups threw me off because they seemed to be fairly dogmatic, and the group sessions seemed to be largely "who could recount the most wild drunken misadventures", everyone seeming to one-up the last story. My recent return has been more successful - I started with a therapist, who led me to a better AA group I'm really taking to.

What I hear is you need something more than AA. It's one thing to visit a meeting every night and avoid drinking just through pure distraction if anything else, but it doesn't help your alone hours, where you're still struggling with the problems that trigger your behaviors. Your meetup sounds like a good step in the right direction. I'm not in CA so can't offer much participation myself, but I'm going to try to be more active here to get more fellowship myself.

I hope you find something else, a new direction, something outside your normal comfort zone. Follow a whim or passion, and chase it as much as you can. Good luck in your pursuit, and I hope you find peace with the reality that we can't drink in any way that doesn't lead to more misery.

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random68's picture
[655]
Mar 19

The Founder of AA is Bill. His fraternity is composed of all those who quote him, memorize him, 'know' him. I've known his works for that long. I did my original step work with a workbook. I had a sponsor and i did not know how to use a phone. So... Yes I know Bill. And this time around I am choosing to go beyond knowing Bill and learn to know the people in these meetings as the individuals they are. This time around I am going to pick up that 600lb phone.

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